Fussy Baby

comic about a child who is not teething but is rather serious instead

Transcript:
Wife : Why’s he so fussy?
Husband : Maybe he’s teething…
Wife : Poor baby…
Husband : Are you teething?
Baby : No, I’m not teething…
Baby : I am very theriouth

Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you.

Ecclesiastes 7:21

Programming Humor

In C, we call functions:

"Hello, is function there?"

If we have something to tell the function, we pass arguments to the functions:

value = GetValue("did not", 
                 "did too");

And if there are many arguments, we will group them and then pass pointers as arguments to the function:

value = GetValue("he did it", 
                 "no, he did it", 
                 "yeah, but he started it");

I don’t like confrontation, so I prefer the term “parameter” instead of “argument”.

“Present your case,” the LORD says. “Bring forward your strong arguments,” The King of Jacob says.

Isaiah 41:21

Running Thoughts – Race Food

I was pondering some things during my Saturday-morning run, and the one that seemed best to share with the internet was my list of fruit to eat during a race.

Yes, I said “during a race”.

In the longer races – half-marathon or more – you can be on the course for at least a couple of hours. You will definitely get thirsty, but the race will have stations setup to provide drinks for you. You might get hungry, but the race will probably not have stations setup to provide food for you.

One of the races in which I ran had an unofficial food station. It was unofficial in that the people who setup the station were not part of the race organization. They were just some people who had a location along the race course and were being helpful. It was a pleasant surprise. I encourage groups with a presence along a race route to setup something during the race. Almost anything is better than nothing: drinks, food, a live band, a stand-up comedian, a sprinkler, etc.

If you choose the food option, please pay attention to the following list:

Fruit During a Race

  • Bananas
    Most people know that bananas are good for runners, but they are always served at the end of the race. I can see why, since bananas are not juicy enough on their own and require something to wash them down. That’s especially noticeable when running. If you do choose to serve bananas, make sure you are situated shortly before a hydrating station.

    Tips for serving bananas:

    1. Cut them in half
      No one wants to eat a whole banana while running. It’s too much.
    2. Peel them partway
      No one wants to try to peel a banana while running. It has to be peeled enough so that the thing can be eaten using only one hand (and a mouth, of course).
    3. But don’t peel them too far
      No one wants to hold the banana part of the banana. Runners should be able to hold only peel. I like to keep my hands relatively clean during the race, because I wipe sweat off my face. And one thing that’s worse than having banana stuck to my hands is having banana smeared on my face.
    4. Provide a bin or bucket or bag for the peels
      No one wants to slip on a banana peel while running. Set out receptacles for the banana peels so that the run does not turn into Mario Kart.
  • Grapes
    Grapes are almost the perfect fruit to serve during a race – they are self-contained, have zero mess, and are plenty juicy. Their only drawback is the choking hazard, which is amplified by the deep breaths drawn by runners. If you do serve grapes, be sure to have Heimlich specialists placed after the grape station.

    Slightly related: do not serve raisins. Too chewy and not juicy.

  • Oranges
    This is the fruit from my story above – where I was glad to have people providing fruit during a race. Oranges are flavorful and juicy – very refreshing during a run on a hot day. Be sure to cut them in wedges so that can be eaten using only one hand. The circles (or “wheels” cut) require two hands to eat.
  • Watermelon
    This has good flavor and plenty of hydrating power – but does it provide any nutrition or sugar? Still, it would be a welcome addition to a race. Keeping with the previous notes about serving suggestions: be sure to serve the pieces with the rind so that the runner can eat with one hand while taking bites at his own pace and not get that one hand all messy.
  • Cantaloupe
    Maybe better than watermelon. Maybe not. Either way, I think it has the same serving notes as watermelon.
  • Raspberries
    Or blackberries or blueberries or strawberries.
    I would say these rank slightly below grapes. More flavor with less of a choking hazard, but less juicy and more messy. Plus they’re probably more expensive. You are not going to get any financial help from the runners – I don’t know anyone who carries cash during a race.

Any other good fruits?

Thus the Lord God showed me, and behold, there was a basket of summer fruit.

Amos 8:1

Feeding the Hens

Here is a photo of a container of eggs that we bought at the store.

photo of a container of Eggland's Best eggs, particularly the part about Vegetarian Fed Hens

Regular readers of this blog will already know where I am going with this. So I could just leave it at that. But, for the sake of my irregular readers, I will continue.

The phrase “Vegetarian Fed Hens” is ambiguous. You think they are trying to convey the idea that their hens do not eat meat, and these eggs came from those hens therefore you are getting healthier eggs.

But the phrase can be taken a few different ways. How do you know what they really mean?

Maybe they are trying to be sneaky. Maybe their chickens were fed meat, but it was a vegetarian who gave them the meat.
“No, look. It clearly says that a vegetarian fed our hens. Sure, we left an ‘a’ and an ‘our’, but no one really needs those articles anyway.”

Or maybe it’s worse than that. Maybe they kidnap unsuspecting vegetarians and feed them to the chickens.
That would probably be something a company would not want to admit on its packaging though.

For that reason, I cannot recommend the usual fix of adding a hyphen. That would make it read “Vegetarian-Fed Hens”, and that would not make it unambiguous as to what the hens are eating. We still wouldn’t know if the vegetarians are feeding the hens or being fed to the hens.

The real problem is that vegetarians is an adjective and a noun. The company meant it as an adjective but the phrase uses it as a noun. What we need is a complete rephrasing.

  • “Our Hens are Vegetarians”
  • “We Employ Vegetarian Hens”
  • “Eggs from Vegetarian Hens”

Any other ideas?

One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only.

Romans 14:2

New Summer Theme

It’s June, the start of the summer quarter. Time for me to update the theme on this blog.

As is usual, it’s not really a new theme – all I did was replace the images.

Anyway, here’s a slightly new look. Expect some tweaks in the days to come.

When day came, they could not recognize the land; but they did observe a bay with a beach, and they resolved to drive the ship onto it if they could.

Acts 27:39

I’d Like to Write a Blog Post

Finish this sentence, please:

“I would like to write a book…”

What did you think? Maybe

  • “…but I don’t have time.”
  • “…but it’s too much work.”
  • “…someday.”

Was it something like that?

If someone says that he would like to do something, that does not mean he has done that thing. Neither does it mean that he has started that thing. I think we can all agree on those basics.

Now to proceed to my social commentary…

In the past week or two, I heard a professional athlete issue an apology. (It might have been a celebrity – it doesn’t really matter since any given week will have someone in one or both of those categories issuing an apology.)

The apology started with this statement:
“I would like to apologize to”
and he continued to list entities such as the fans, the organization, his teammates, etc.

When his apology concluded, all he had done was state the people to whom he would like to apologize. At no point did he actually apologize.

My first thought when I hear someone say “I would like to apologize” is “then go ahead and apologize.”

The various awards in show business effect the same behavior – the recipient lists all the people he would like to thank, but at no point in his acceptance speech does he actually thank anyone.

People are too tentative. Maybe tentative is not the right word. How about proud? We don’t want to admit fault. Or we don’t want to admit that other people helped us get to where we are.

Or maybe people are getting used to hedging their bets in their speech. They don’t want to be called on something. They want to be able to explain away something if someone doesn’t like it. So they use hesitant terms. They add extra phrases that don’t need to be there if they know what you are saying and are confident in it.

I’ll give some pointers here for what I would like to hear in a public figure’s apology.

  • DO NOT use the passive voice.
    In other words, the passive voice should not be used. Nothing says “insincere apology” like the passive voice – it means you are not taking the blame.

    This is now the correct place for me to insert a joke:
    The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

  • DO use the words “I’m sorry.”
    Simple enough. “I was wrong” might be a sufficient substitute, but I would prefer it as an addition instead of a substitute.
  • DO NOT direct the apology to particular people or groups
    If you would like to apologize to someone in particular, you do that by talking directly to that person. You do not do that in a press conference.

    You want to apologize to your teammates? Then tell them at the next team meeting. You want to apologize to the press? That’s when you call a press conference.

    I will concede that you can use the press conference to apologize to fans, but I still hold that you should not mention them in the apology itself. The people to whom you want to apologize are the people hearing the apology.

  • DO tell us how you will be taking responsibility.
    If I got into a car accident, told the other guy “I take full responsibility for this mess” and then I just left, what good was my saying that I took responsibility for it?

    What are you doing to take responsibility?
    – Entering rehab?
    – Paying restitution?
    – Community service for the location that was affected?
    That’s how we know you are serious.

I see that this post has become longer than my usual posts. And it may have been of a more controversial nature. If this blog has offended anyone, I would like to apologize for it…

…but I won’t.

And his ears were opened, and the impediment of his tongue was removed, and he began speaking plainly

Mark 7:35

Mr. Smartypants

comic about Mr. Smartypants being a guy wearing pants made of Smarties candy

Mr. Smarty-Pants?
Nope!
It’s Mr. Smarties-Pants

Smarties® is a registered trademark of Ce De Candy. This blog is not affiliated with, approved by, endorsed by, or otherwise associated with Ce De Candy.

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes. And clever in their own sight!

Isaiah 5:21