For your entertainment today, here are a couple of scenes from our life.
The whole family is in the minivan, just starting a trip into town.
Wife: “Hey, do you think Gamma is over 20 lbs.?”
Some Guy: “Probably. We can weigh him when we get back home.”
“Because if he is, we can turn him around so he faces the front.”
loudly so that Alpha, who sits in the very back, can hear: “Then he would be able to see Momma but not Alpha anymore.”
“What do you think, Alpha? We can turn Gamma around…”
Alpha: “Does that mean his skull is closed?”
(husband and wife exchange confused stares for a second before laughing)
in an affirming voice: “Yes, I think so.”
We had not been discussing fontanels with him recently. We didn’t know he even knew about the soft spot on a baby’s head and that the skull needs to grow together. My first thought when he said that was that he wasn’t answering us and was talking to his brother about something they made with Legos (yes, there are skeletons from some of their sets). But then we realized he was concerned about Gamma’s growth and development, and it became quite funny.
The whole family is in the minivan, halfway to home from a trip into town.
Beta, out of the blue: “Momma, why do you wear glasses?”
Wife: “So I can see. Without glasses, everything looks blurry. Sometimes I wear contacts instead of glasses, but they do the same thing.”
Some Guy: “You should let him wear your glasses so he can see how things can look blurry.”
(worrying that the eyeglasses might be a little worse for the wear after the kids had them) “Even better, how about I let them wear my old glasses?”
“You have glasses?”
“I used to wear glasses. Then I got my eyes fixed. They zapped them with a laser and now I can see clearly.”
“Did your eyes smoke?”
(laughing, while recalling the smell of burning flesh during LASIK): “Yes, they did, a little bit”
(now worrying that the kids might think that eyeballs and lasers normally play well together) “The eye doctor used the laser very carefully. You should never look at a laser or let anyone shine a laser at your eyes, because most lasers will hurt your eyes and then you might not be able to see anymore.”
I think I got the point across, although it may have taken the fun out of the conversation.
The things you never considered before being a parent…
When discussing LASIK with people, you would assume they have enough common sense to know not to try laser eye surgery on their own. But how do people get that common sense in the first place? That’s part of the parents’ job – teaching children lessons as they go through life.
And yes, I still have my old glasses. They fit in the very broad category of Things With Sentimental Value that I like to save. And it’s fun to show people how bad my eyes were before LASIK.
But since I could not see because of the brightness of that light, I was led by the hand by those who were with me and came into Damascus.