Truth in Update Notices

I try not to upgrade my software.

For reference, here is an example of what you might see sometimes when you start a program:

image of a typical software update notice, an update is available, apply this update as soon as possible

If I were in charge of the wording on the upgrade notices, here is what it would look like:

image of what a software update notice should look like, select the default button because I'm not paying attention

and hired counselors against them to frustrate their counsel all the days of Cyrus king of Persia, even until the reign of Darius king of Persia.

Ezra 4:5

Curiosity Killed the Bank

We were curious, could a bank find more ways to annoy people?

At [unnamed bank], we thought we could certainly try. So when customers came in to pay their mortgages, we asked them. “Would you like to sign up for more of our products and services?”

And when they declined, we were curious – why were they not signing up?

We called them to see if maybe they didn’t understand what they were missing. And then we were even more curious – doesn’t anyone answer the phone anymore?

After leaving a few voicemails, we were curious – where have the customers gone?


That was my attempt at parodying [unnamed bank]’s recent marketing plan. But it was inspired by actual events – just paying my mortgage.

You see, I have my mortgage through them but I don’t have anything else – no checking or savings account with them. They have a branch a mile or so from my workplace, so, to save a stamp, I would stop by on my commute home and pay the monthly mortgage bill in person.

The teller offered me a sum of money if I would open a checking account with them. Since I was planning on getting a new mortgage in the near future, I declined. No sense changing over checks, direct deposit info, etc. for a few months only to have the new mortgage with someone else.

But the next time, she gave me a pamphlet and business card for the banker lady who could setup the account. Rather than argue, I said “Sure, I’ll look at it” and went on with my life.

A week later, my phone rang. It was not a number I recognized, so I let it go to voicemail. It was the banker lady, who left her phone number and asked me to call her back. “No way,” I thought to myself. “I’m not voluntarily subjecting myself to a sales pitch.”

Two days later, the phone rang again. This time, I recognized her number, so I let it go to voicemail. Her message said she had to discuss my mortgage with me. Nice try, but that’s a bit of a stretch.

A week later, I got my normal mortgage statement in the mail.

I wrote a check and put a stamp on the return envelope. I am not going back to that branch ever again.

It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.

Judges 16:16

Thee

It’s not our anniversary, but I thought I’d share a poem I wrote for my wife.

I think that I shall never see
A woman lovely quite as thee.

A thee who keeps her family fed
By gath’ring food and baking bread;

A thee who looks to God all day,
And lifts her holy arms to pray;

A thee who may in summer wear
A splash of sunscreen in her hair;

Upon whom God bestowed the joys
Of living in a house of boys.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can bring me thee.

With apologies to Joyce Kilmer.

Also, for those interested, this is not iambic pentameter. It is iambic quadrameter.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

Princess Eye Area

When I saw Tangled, I noticed how large the princess’ eyes were.

Then Frozen came out, and their eyes were equally as large, it seemed. I figured that the new generation of CG animators favored large eyes as the favored style of beauty. But I also wondered if this could be quantified.

So I set out to objectively quantify it. It being the size of each Disney princess’ eyes relative to her face, as a percentage.

Here is my conclusion:

No, the relative eye sizes are not increasing. Rather, it is the wider head shape that makes it seem that way.

The winner is actually Tiana.

Here are the data to support that:
Read the rest of this entry »

Parental Dread

Here is a list of things you don’t want to hear your spouse say, if you have small children:

  • Where is that water coming from?
    It’s bad enough if it’s on the kitchen floor. Worse if it’s on the bathroom floor. Worst is if you hear that when your spouse is in the room below the kids’ bathtub.
  • I thought you had him…
    It’s bad enough if you don’t know where the child is. Even worse if your spouse doesn’t either.
  • Please tell me that’s chocolate.
    It’s bad enough to find a mystery substance. Even worse if you find it on your khaki pants.
  • Why is it so quiet?
    It’s bad enough when you have to get up from what you were doing to see what the kids are doing. Even worse when you actually find out what they are doing.
  • Here, he’s all yours.
    Enough said.
  • For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it—for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while—

    2 Corinthians 7:8

Disney Family Analysis

What is it about the Disney formula that requires an orphan and a princess with a father and no mother?

It’s been a little while since I wrote anything about Disney’s Frozen, so here are some thoughts about that movie.

Why is Frozen better than Disney’s other movies?

This is best answered by going into how it is different from their other movies. It deviates somewhat from their standard formula.

How?

By having meaningful relationships. In particular, family. More specifically, sisters.

Try to remember all the other popular Disney movies, and think of what family relationships there were:

Note: “practical orphan” means he might have parents or siblings, but we never see them or hear anything about them. We can’t tell if he’s an orphan or not.

Beauty and the Beast
– Belle: no siblings, single father
– Beast: practical orphan
Aladdin
– Jasmine: no siblings, single father
– Aladdin: orphan
Little Mermaid
 – Ariel: sisters exist but aren’t a part of the story, single father
 – Prince Erik: practical orphan
Tangled
– Rapunzel: no siblings, single mother*
– Flynn: orphan
Snow White
– Snow White: single step-mother
– Prince: practical orphan
Sleeping Beauty
– Aurora: father and mother
– Prince Phillip: not an orphan
how’d this one make through the screening process?
Cinderella
– Cinderella: step-family, bad relationships
– Prince Charming: not an orphan
Mulan
– Mulan: father and mother
– Li Shang: practical orphan
Pocahontas
– Pocahontas: single father, no siblings
– John Smith: practical orphan
Princess and the Frog
– Tiana: single mother, no siblings. But she has a good friend.
– Prince Naveen: has parents but effectively orphaned, at least financially.

Frozen
– Kristoff: orphan, following the usual formula
but…
– Anna: two parents (until the tragedy) and a sister who is part of her life and part of the story.

What’s the point of this blog post? Good question. Probably that, although the princess-meets-orphan storyline is dependable, that doesn’t mean that other storylines aren’t good too. Other family dynamics, such as the relationship between sisters, can be even more powerful because the audience can actually relate.


* plus her real parents are part of the story, which makes gives it more emotion. Try to think how intriguing the story would have been without the tension of reuniting them.

Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.

Isaiah 1:17

Radio Ad Suggestion

Radio advertisers need to spell out website names, especially if they contain a name or word with homonyms. Like duel/dual. Or Catherine / Katherine.

Or a store name that isn’t common and people could guess wrong. Like Hods. Or is it Haads? Or Hahds?

Numbers too. Spell them out if they are spelled. If the domain name does contain numerals, tell us that. Don’t just not spell them. For example: ” …, the number 4, and …”

Radio spots are the hardest advertising medium to make an impression and convey information that people will remember. If all those commuters don’t know how to spell your website, how will they get to it? Will they even bother if they think they don’t know what it is?

On the other hand, maybe the advertisers are doing it on purpose. By having it slightly unclear, they are forcing the listeners to think about their ad. That would create a more lasting impression than a typical ad that is consumed without thought.

For You have kept their heart from understanding,
Therefore You will not exalt them.

Job 17:4