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Note: In case you think this sounds familiar, this is a variation of a post I did a while back on communication between husbands and wives.

A mom’s questions can have very different meanings to her son than they do to her. Here are some examples:

Mom’s Words: “Would you like to set the table?“

Mom’s Words: “Where are you?“

Mom’s Words: “Are you wearing that?“

Those were, of course, random examples from anonymous people.

Here’s my tip for moms: Don’t ask your son a question if you want him to do (or stop doing) something. Direct commands are best.

Here’s my tip for kids: Chances are good that your mom will ask a question that requires an action, not an answer. But you still need to answer her so that she knows you got the message. But don’t answer the question as it was phrased, answer by saying what you’re going to do.

One of the recurring events in a child’s life is the family photo. Sometimes it’s immediate family, sometimes it’s extended family, and sometimes it’s just the child by himself.

I had opportunities to be involved in various family photos this year, and I observed something:

Family photos are like a race.

No, not to see who can get done first. It’s like a race in that the finish line must be set – a fixed destination.

You know the drill –

“Okay, we’ll do this group.”
“Now put the grandparents in.”
“Okay, now everybody together.”

By this point, some nerves are getting frazzled.

Invariably, someone now says “You kids are doing such a good job, let’s get pictures with you and [insert family grouping here]”

But the longer the photo shoot goes on, the worse the kids get. Why?

Because you’ve moved the finish line.

The kids thought they were going to be done after the everybody-together shot. But then they weren’t done, they had a couple more poses to do.

Think about a race. You enter a race knowing the finish line is a certain distance away. You pace yourself accordingly and have just enough energy to kick it into high gear near the finish line.

How would you feel if someone saw you running at that point and said, “You are doing so well, and you look so fast right now, we are going to move the finish line another mile down the road!”? And they said it in a cheery voice to encourage you.

You would feel annoyed, betrayed, dismayed, or something along those lines. And you would not do very well for that last mile, since your racing energy was used up for the expected course.

That’s how kids feel when you just keep adding groupings to the family photo and extending the whole session.

My two recommendations for family photos:

1. Get the most important photos first. The more photos you take, the worse the kids behave. Unless you like pictures of crying and frowny kids, plan your photo priorities.

There are some cultures that believe photographs steal your soul. I don’t believe that, but I would be open to the theory that each photograph steals part of your smile. After a long photo shoot, you might not be able to smile for a time until your smile can recover.

2. Tell the kids the plan, and establish the finish line. They can pace themselves if they know where the finish line is. “We’ll take just you kids, then you kids with your cousins, then everybody together, and then we’ll be done.”

And then don’t move the finish line.

P.S. If you are worried that it was you who inspired this post – it wasn’t you, it was the other side of the family.

Summer is here, which means it is time for me to review the books I have read and let you know what I thought of them.

Here they are, approximately in the order that I read them.

• Darkmouth by Shane Hegarty
  I read this only because Alpha checked it out of the library. I previewed it at the library. I think Alpha actually handed it to me and asked if it was okay, probably because the cover art was a monster chasing an armor-clad boy. The way it was drawn was more campy than scary, but you never know these days.

  I previewed it in the library, and previewed it some more. It was good enough that I probably read about a quarter of it in the library. So we got it and I finished it at home and then let Alpha read it.

  It does have monsters – mostly the standard mythological creatures. And it has some violence in that the people are fighting the monsters. And there are some bad guys who do unkind things. Someone does die. There’s slight descriptions of gore, but mostly the fighting is done with – simplified here so as not to give away the plot – a sort of shrink ray that puts the monsters into small glass jars.

  My main problem with the book was that it is written as book one of a series, so the ending is a segue instead of an actual ending. But if you’re going to read the whole series together, that should not be a problem

  Maybe 4th or 5th grade on up.

• Masterminds by Gordon Korman
  The main problem with this book was that it is only part of a book. It is only about one-third of a book, not a whole book.

  This is the first book of the planned Masterminds Trilogy. The other books aren’t out yet, so I don’t know how the story ends. It might be one complete physical book, but it has only part of the story. The book ends as if it were a commercial break in a television program – a bit of the story has been finished, but you are left wanting the rest of it, to come to a conclusion.

  I’m not a fan of books that don’t have a solid ending.

  The other problem is that a major premise of the book is that all the kids are being lied to by all the adults. In other words, it is the kids’ job to work around the adults in order to figure out the truth. Adults are not to be trusted.

  Maybe that will get better (i.e. some non-villain adults will figure into the story) in the other books. But if you are concerned that your child is tending towards problems with authority figures, you might want to steer clear of this book.

  Apart from that, the book is well written in that it was hard to put down. I put it on the Captivating side of the scale.

• Savvy by Ingrid Law
  This was an engaging book. Borders on the feel of the old-time tall-tales genre, which adds to its charm.

  This would be fine for 2nd or 3rd grade on up, but I would suggest 5th grade on up because of the themes that are presented. Nothing objectionable, quite the opposite in fact, but why bother a 2nd grader’s mind with the first crushes and the appropriateness of tattoos and other such topics?

  The best part of the book was its small-town feel and values. Church is part of people’s lives. Bibles are common. The girl says she doesn’t want to be kissed and the boy says that he can wait. A variety of little things that aren’t the main plot but are part of the story. They all add up to make a positive book.

• As Chimney Sweepers Come to Dust by Alan Bradley
  If you like all the other Flavia de Luce books, you’ll like this one. It’s a Flavia de Luce book, but it’s not really part of the series. It stands on its own fairly well in introduction, setting, characters, and ending. As far as murder mysteries go, it’s tame. High school on up.
• The Supernaturalist: The Graphic Novel by Eoin Colfer
  We were at the library and the boys were gathering books. I glanced through the titles, as I usually try to, and this one stood out as one I should investigate.

  I ended up reading the whole thing before we checked out. Not because it was that engaging or interesting, but because it was quick.

  It was a little darker and more violent than I liked, so I took it out of the pile, told the child the reasons I didn’t like it for him, and put the book back.

  I think he found this only because he had read some other things by this author, and because he probably figured that a comic-like book couldn’t be bad.

  I’m not outright condemning this book, but there are so many better options for your child to put into his mind – don’t waste it on this.

• The Real Boy by Anne Ursu
  Has references to magic and potions and wizards. Most of it is just which herbs to use for what – there’s probably more about traditional herbal medicine than magic. I don’t know that the herbs they mentioned are effective for the treatments described, or even if the herbs are real.

  Anyway, on to my conclusion. It’s a good book. Some bullying and mild violence, plus some worse violence that happens offscreen. Or, uh, off-page since this is a book. But there’s not a lot of that.

  Overall, I found the book to be interesting. 3rd grade on up.

  P.S. – if this book is ever made into a movie, I wouldn’t trust it. It would probably end up very creepy due to the plot of spoiler prevention activated that some directors might emphasize.

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

Hebrews 13:17

Whether I’m waiting for someone or just arrived somewhere early because I like to be early and hate to be late, sometimes I find myself with some extra time. It used to be that I would stand back and people-watch. Or things-watch. Or daydream. Or whatever – I have no problems having nothing to do.

But it does bother some people – they can’t understand that someone can just stand there and not need something to do. In the past, these people would come up to me and ask if I was okay, or if I was lost, or if I needed help.

No thanks, I’m just waiting.

They would take that as their cue to start a conversation. Something along the lines of ‘since this person has nothing to do, I will provide him with something, in the form of talking. Everyone must be bored if they are not in a conversation.’

But I was enjoying the silence and not having to talk.

But technology has furnished us with a solution – the smartphone. Or phone as it is being called these days, since just about no one has anything but a smartphone.

You can stand about anywhere, conspicuously or not, and people will leave you alone as long as you look like you are texting or scrolling through something on your phone.

I can continue doing things as I used to, now I just hold my phone in front of me and people leave me alone. ‘He must not need me to start a conversation with him since he is already in a texting conversation with someone else.’

We finally moved. After about 3 years of looking, we found a house we both agreed on and that the sellers agreed with us on the price.

The good news is that it was only a few miles from our old house, so we could move things in stages. First, some boxing up some things and moving them over. Then, one big day of moving furniture. Then, more cleaning and boxing of secondary items.

The bad news is that it was only a few miles from our old house, so we didn’t have to move everything at once. We can keep going back to the old house for things we forgot or weren’t important at first. Which means that the move is dragging on. A bunch of stuff (e.g. boxes of winter clothes) is still at the old house, because it didn’t have to move. Now we still have to get it out of there, but there is not as much motivation any more.

I’m finally back to a zero balance at the library. We had overdue books since April.

They weren’t accumulating fines since April. As soon as I realized they were overdue, we renewed the check-out to stop the fines.

The fine was $11. And it cost $4 to pay to replace the book if you give up and say it’s lost. But the library is generous in that whatever you pay to replace the book is applied to the fine.

But along the way, other books came and went and accrued fines. Here’s a tip: if you let a 3-year-old check out books on your account, don’t let them out of your sight. He will set them down somewhere and then promptly forget where.

So the total was $17 today, and we are the proud owners of two small books.

… if we can find them.

We understand there are 5 physical senses that the human body has. People have tried to introduce various things as a 6th sense, but that is still nebulous.

Having observed current culture, I see the need to document the 5 cultural or social senses.

• Sense of entitlement
• Sense of outrage
• Sense of unoffendability
• Sense of awareness
• Sense of immediacy

But these 5 senses have come at a cost – they replaced other senses that had withered due to lack of use. Here are 5 senses that people used to have, and what they should have instead of the senses listed above:

• Sense of responsibility
• Sense of direction
• Common sense
• Sense of shame
• Sense of purpose