Some Web Theme

Sep

2

2010

That’s some web theme there.

Or rather, here.

It’s the change of seasons again, which means it’s time for a change of my WordPress theme.

It’s not really a new theme – just changing the backgrounds a bit and tweaking the layout.

I will be fixing some small things as we go along here, but I can already tell this one is going to be much easier on the eyes than that last one.

He has built his house like the spider’s web,Or as a hut which the watchman has made.

Job 27:18

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Big Ten Division

Sep

1

2010

College football is about to start, but people are already looking ahead to next year.

Because next year is when things change.

Significantly.

And maybe I’ll resume using complete sentences and paragraphs.

As you should all know by now, the Big Ten becomes the Big Twelve in 2011. And the Big Twelve is reduced to the Big Ten at that time.

And the Big Ten has assigned its members to one of two divisions, and there will be a conference championship played between the winners of each division.

The big story is that Michigan and Ohio State are in separate divisions. The Big Ten Conference floated some ideas out there and got a bunch of criticism from alumni.

So the conference’s decision was to still have Michigan and Ohio State play each other on the last game of the regular season just like they do now. But since the division winners will have been determined at that point, the game won’t count for much.

As a Michigan fan and blogger, I am compelled, nay bound, by the laws of blogging, to add my opinion to the internet.

I don’t like it.

No, not the internet. Or my opinion. I like those. What I don’t like is the Big Ten Conference’s decision. But, since I am not an alumnus of either school, I guess the Big Ten doesn’t give my opinion much weight.

I think that the Big Ten couldn’t win at this one, no matter what they did. But they could have done better.

If I were in charge, I would have put them both in the same division. The game would still be at the end of the regular season, but it would matter. So what if you don’t have a solid anchor team on the other division? It’s not like Michigan has been pulling its weight anyway and will be the automatic winner of its division every year. I think some of the other teams would be fine anchor teams for a division, and a division could be healthy and competitive without UM or OSU in it.

But since they didn’t do that, they could at least move the game. I don’t mind rematches; I do mind back-to-back rematches. In the case that Michigan gets its act together and wins its division, it could play Ohio State twice in a row. Sure, there might be an extra week or two in between the games, but it would still dilute them. A matchup early in the season (and that counted for the conference results) would make for a better game and season.

The Big Ten chose the second-worst possible scheduling format for Michigan and Ohio State. The only worse one would have been not playing each other.

Thus says the Lord GOD, “This shall be the boundary by which you shall divide the land for an inheritance among the twelve tribes of Israel; Joseph shall have two portions.

Ezekiel 47:13

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Microwave Brownies

Aug

30

2010

One of the problems with the word “microwave” is that it is both a verb and a noun.

This caused a problem recently. I was making brownies, and I followed the instructions as written on the box.

picture of Betty Crocker box of Warm Delights microwave brownies

and here’s a close-up view of the instructions:

picture of Betty Crocker box of Warm Delights microwave brownies

It clearly stated that I was to add water and microwave. So I took out a big bowl and poured in the brownie mix. Then I poured in the water.

Then I put a microwave in the bowl and stirred everything together.

It didn’t taste very good.

I think their instructions were wrong.

but he hanged the chief baker, just as Joseph had interpreted to them.

Genesis 40:22

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Husbands and Wives – Communication

Aug

26

2010

A husband and a wife can say the exact same words but have very different meanings. Here are some examples:

Phrase: “The noodles are on the stove.“

Wife’s meaning Husband’s meaning
so take them out to the table because we’re getting ready to eat. The noodles are on the stove.

Phrase: “The dishes in the dishwasher are clean.“

Wife’s meaning Husband’s meaning
so please put them away You can use them, put them away, or just leave them alone – whatever. Just don’t put dirty dishes in there.

Phrase: “What time is dinner?“

Wife’s meaning Husband’s meaning
Do you need help making dinner? You’re moving awfully slowly in the kitchen. I need to know how much time I have so I can decide if I should keep working on what I’m doing or if I should wash up now.

Those were, of course, random examples from anonymous people.

Here’s my tip for wives: don’t read anything into what your husband says. Take it at face value – he is just giving you information.

Here’s my tip for husbands: try to guess what your wife means when she says something. Don’t take it at face value – she is giving you secret instructions.

His disciples said, “Lo, now You are speaking plainly and are not using a figure of speech.

John 16:29

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Driving in Cars with Phones

Aug

25

2010

A long title for this post, I suppose, but it’s the best I got right now.

A co-worker and I were discussing the new laws about cell phones. In some states, it is illegal to use a cell phone while you are driving (although hands-free phones are allowed).

In our state, it is legal. But some cities have enacted local ordinances that make it illegal. So you could be driving along a road, using your cell phone. It would be legal for a while, then illegal for a while, then legal again as you drove into and then out of (if “into” is one word, why isn’t “outof” one word?) the city.

We came up with a solution that should work for any state: let drivers take a test to get a cell-phone endorsement on their licenses.

We have that for various things already – motorcycle, commercial, etc.

  • Some people can handle a motorcycle, so they prove that to the state and their licenses are marked with that fact.
  • Some people can handle a big rig, so they prove that to the state and their licenses are marked with that fact.
  • Some people can handle driving a vehicle while talking on a cell phone, so why not let those people prove that to the state and get their licenses marked? I’m sure the DMV/BMV/SOS wouldn’t mind the extra business.

    • Not only would it help weed out people who shouldn’t be DWTOTCP, but it would help the budget. Just think of the fees charged for the cell-phone tests and the upgraded license!

    Texting while driving is illegal in the whole state. The state should also enact a texting endorsement. The test for such an endorsement should be done on a simulator, because no one could pass it. And because no one could pass it, it would be pure profit for the state.

    Win-win!

    People stay in the same situation they are today (no texting) but they feel like they have an opportunity (hope) and the state gets more money (which will help the schools, I’m sure). It would end up being a voluntary tax, like the lottery.

    Hold on while I get a Facebook fan page setup to garner support for this plan…

    He scorns the tumult of the city, The shoutings of the driver he does not hear.

    Job 39:7

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Storm Surge

Aug

24

2010

We had a thunderstorm with a lot of lightning, just after the kids’ bedtime. My wife and I noticed one particular flash of lightning that originated near the ground (not close though) and was greenish. And then the power went out.

My comment was that it looked like a transformer blew up. When the transformers around here blow, they are hurt-your-eyes bright, the light from the blast is green, and there is a very loud buzzing noise during the blast.

After the storm calmed down (and the power came back), I put Alpha back to bed. He was asking about what if the power went out, what if this, what if that, etc.

Then he asked, “What happens if another transformer comes?”

Transformer comes? That’s an odd way to phrase it – the transformer goes out when it blows up.

Then I caught on.

“No, not that type of Transformer. Just an electrical transformer. It’s part of the electrical system. I’ll point one out to you next time we drive by the substation.”

I didn’t exactly confirm my suspicion, but I got the inkling that he thought a Decepticon got in a good hit and blew up the Transformer and that Transformers blow up with a greenish blast.

As I looked, behold, a storm wind was coming from the north, a great cloud with fire flashing forth continually and a bright light around it, and in its midst something like glowing metal in the midst of the fire.

Ezekiel 1:4

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Stuff Christians Like

Aug

20

2010

Welcome SCL fans!

While there may be no better way, around here at least, to stir up a good debate among Christians than to question the merits of hymns versus praise chori, I do not want to stir up a good debate right now. (And “chori” is the Latin pluralization of chorus, so it’s holier than “choruses”.)

I wrote this blog post mostly to send my regular readers, some of whom don’t regularly check SCL, to SCL. For my regular readers who are not familiar with the acronym SCL: it is short for Stuff Christians Like. Jon runs that blog and was gracious enough publish a guest post that I wrote.

But so that you, dear SCL reader who followed the link from there to here in the hopes that you would be further amused, are not disappointed, I will provide you with one bit of praise chori humor.

image of the Blues Brothers saying that this church plays both types of music - praise and worship

Click on the picture for a slightly larger version. If you’re not familiar with the Blues Brothers, then it probably doesn’t make much sense to you.

I am sure that there is an SCL post waiting to be written on this subject, but I’ll let someone else run with it. I’m all creativitied-out for today.

Praise the LORD!Sing to the LORD a new song,And His praise in the congregation of the godly ones.

Psalm 149:1

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