Archive for March, 2012

1000 Spoofs

Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts is fairly popular. But it’s getting a little stale in that it came out over a year ago. It needs an update.

I took it upon myself to produce some book covers, should she ever decide to write the following books:

A book on sorting flour, entitled One Thousand Sifts

if Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Sifts, showing a flour sifter on the book cover

A book on older formats of clip art, entitled One Thousand Gifs

if Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Gifs, showing a some gif clip art on the book cover

A book on peanut butter, entitled One Thousand Jifs

if Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Jifs, showing Jif peanut butter on the book cover

A book on energy bars, entitled One Thousand Clifs

if Ann Voskamp wrote One Thousand Clifs, showing Clif bars on the book cover

I thought about her book on elevators, entitled One Thousand Lifts, but I decided to pass on the cover art for that one.

Any other titles?

Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.

1 Corinthians 12:4

Born This Way

The phrase “born this way” has the potential to be either inspirational or lazy.

If someone uses the phrase “I was born this way”, pay particular attention to what comes next. Why are they saying they were born that way?

If it’s to excuse their behavior, then it’s lazy.
If it’s to explain their accomplishments, then it’s inspirational.

How were you born?

Helpless and useless.
A burden to society.

But you know what? You don’t stay that way.
You learn, you develop, you become better.
You overcome how you were when you were born.

If you are still how you were when you were born, don’t you think it’s time to grow up?

and questioned them, saying, “Is this your son, who you say was born blind? Then how does he now see?”

John 9:19

Green Programming

Now that I have accounts to make and sell T-shirts, I figured I’d create something else.

Green Programming

drawing showing a open source - reduce/reuse/recycle - your code

Make sure your functions and methods are environmentally responsible.

Go buy it at Printfection.

You go and get straw for yourselves wherever you can find it, but none of your labor will be reduced.

Exodus 5:11


By now, you may have seen the shirt that spoofs the WWF:

drawing showing panda bears and folding chairs for WWF

Panda bears and folding chairs…

While WWF may mean World Wrestling Federation, and it may mean World Wildlife Fund, it has another meaning:

Words With Friends

So I updated the parody to use the other WWF:

drawing showing a panda bear playing words with friends for WWF

The next step is to combine the three so that the one panda is going to smack the other panda with the tablet instead of a folding chair. I might not get to that right away though.

Until then, go buy the shirt at Zazzle or buy it at Printfection.

Sorry about the Zazzle link. Zazzle did not like the design because it may contain trademark violations. Either they are unfamiliar with parody as an acceptable fair use, or perhaps they want to avoid any possibility of even remotely being near a trademark violation.

All the brothers of a poor man hate him;
How much more do his friends abandon him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone.

Proverbs 19:7

Annual Hockey Game

Since Beta enjoyed last season’s hockey game so much, we scheduled another one for this year.

This year’s event was not as eventful as last year’s – no overtime, no shootout, no inconsiderate fans – but Beta and I enjoyed it nonetheless.


It is our tradition that, during the first intermission, Beta gets a cup of hot chocolate.

picture of someone holding a cup of hot chocolate

I got some overpriced almonds. I think I’ll get something else next year.


How Would You Describe It?

photo of greasy frying pan

Gamma pointing to a greasy frying pan: What’s that?
Me: That’s grease.
Gamma stares blankly
Me: It, uh, comes out of the meat when you cook it.
Gamma still not sure
Me: It’s like frosting for the meat!
Gamma walks away, satisfied at the answer (or at least convinced that I don’t have a good explanation)

Maybe butter would have been a better word to use.

Also the fat of an animal which dies and the fat of an animal torn by beasts may be put to any other use, but you must certainly not eat it.

Leviticus 7:24

Improving Comic Sans

There are two types of people in the world: those who don’t really think about Comic Sans and those who disdain Comic Sans.

I was wondering why there are so many people against the poor font. I came up with the answer of “Sans”. Maybe the problem is that there are no serifs.

What if someone added serifs to Comic Sans?

What would it be called then? Sans means without. What is the opposite of sans? Con means with. I thought about Comic Con, but that name is already taken. Not for a font, but instantly recognizable to those who care about fonts. I guess the next best thing is the name Comic Serif.

So, here is Comic Serif. Go download it from, if you want.

example of the font Comic Serif

The nice thing about spoofing Comic Sans is that you can’t get it wrong. If you make a good font, people will be impressed. And if you do a poor job on the font, people will think you’re trying to be funny by mocking Comic Sans.

They are worthless, a work of mockery;
In the time of their punishment they will perish.

Jeremiah 10:15