Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

SCL Old Guest Post – Making People Feel Welcome

Here is a guest post I wrote for SCL back in the day (2011 in case you’re wondering). It wasn’t run because I didn’t actually write a full blog post for Jon, I just sent him an outline of ideas. But I decided to fill it out and present it to you today.


Back when I was a Sunday School student, a visitor to the class would have a song sung to him (“There’s a welcome here…”) and get to pick out a prize, like a pencil or a sticker.

Now, as adults, if we get a visitor to the church we just let them know there’s a card they can fill out with their information.

What fun is that? Let’s have prizes for the adult visitors too!

Our church is small enough that it would work for them to come to the front and pick a prize from a box, but those of you in larger churches might have to come up with different ideas.

But the crowds were aware of this and followed Him; and He welcomed them and began speaking to them about the kingdom of God, and curing those who had need of healing.

Luke 9:11

Stefani’s Store

This one is about 19 years late, but I didn’t see that anyone’s done this yet, so here it is.

If Gwen Stefani ever needs an idea for a store, she should open a Jewish bread store.

image of Gwen Stefani's challah back bread store, not hollaback

And, of course, all sales to females are final.

Because …

you can’t take that challah back, girl.

When I break your staff of bread, ten women will bake your bread in one oven, and they will bring back your bread in rationed amounts, so that you will eat and not be satisfied.

Leviticus 26:26

Slapstick Birds

There are some elements of slapstick humor that never grow old. One of those is people running into things. Replace people with animals, and it’s still fun. That was, if I remember correctly, a big portion of America’s Funniest Videos – people and animals running into or falling off things.

A couple months ago, we got our sliding glass doors (AKA patio doors) replaced, because they were drafty and cloudy and needed it. The view to the backyard is much better now, it’s like the glass isn’t even there, it’s so new and clear.

The animals think so too. We occasionally hear a “thump” and by the time we get over to the doors, there is nothing there. So don’t worry, no birds were harmed in the making of this blog post. But the birds did leave some evidence, so we do know that it was a bird.

Exhibit A:

image of bird residue left on a window after running into it

That was kind of faint, so here’s Exhibit B, with different lighting/exposure.

image of bird residue left on a window after running into it

And if you still didn’t see it, this panning shot should help. Exhibit C:

image of bird residue left on a window after running into it, animated to see it easier

It is hidden from the eyes of every living creature, And concealed from the birds of the sky.

Job 28:21

SCL Old Guest Post – Bannerman

Here is a guest post I wrote for SCL back in the day (2011 in case you’re wondering, and no, the link there is not to my guest post). It wasn’t run because I didn’t actually write a full blog post for Jon, I just sent him an outline of ideas. But I decided to fill it out and present it to you today.


Cheering for Bannerman

Many of you may be wondering who Bannerman is. Kids these days don’t know their history. Bannerman was 20 years old when I started writing this guest post over a decade ago.

Bannerman is a song by Steve Taylor. Not Tyler, Taylor. Also popular for the song “Lifeboat”.

But Bannerman the song is about Bannerman the person who was ubiquitous in that era: the guy who holds up the Bible verse behind the goal posts during football games. I don’t know how that guy was able to make it to every single football game, or how he managed to get tickets in the same spot in various stadia, but that guy was consistent.

He may have retired or something, because I don’t see him at every game anymore. Or maybe the ticket prices are keeping him from attending multiple games every weekend.

I also wonder if he thought of himself as a missionary
“What do you do?”
“I’m a missionary.”
“In what country?”
“In the USA.”
“Oh, which people group do you minister to?”
“Football fans.”

You have given a banner to those who fear You, That it may be displayed because of the truth.

Psalm 60:4

Bolton Mashup

Thanks to a recent TV ad that shows Michael Bolton singing a version of “How am I Supposed to Live Without You” but with slightly altered lyrics, I was inspired to write this blog post.

I don’t know why it popped into my head this way, but I think there must have been some other TV ad that played or referenced the song “Grandma Got Run OVer by a Reindeer”, and I noticed the two songs fit together well.

Behold:

image of sheet music for Michel Bolton's how am i supposed to live without you mixed with grandma got run over by a reindeer

And it goes the other way too, but I’ll leave that as an exercise to the reader, to put the words to “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” to the music of “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”.

It’s not perfect though. For one thing this is just the chorus. I have better things to do with my time than to fit the verses of these songs together. Plus no one knows the verses anyway.

And the Michael Bolton song has 5 lines in the chorus but the Grandma song has only 4. I removed one line to make it, and I’m guessing no one noticed until I pointed it out.

Who improvise to the sound of the harp, And like David have composed songs for themselves

Amos 6:5

SCL Old Guest Post – Mel Gibson

Here is a guest post I wrote for SCL back in the day (2011 in case you’re wondering). It wasn’t run because I didn’t actually write a full blog post for Jon, I just sent him an outline of ideas. But I decided to fill it out and present it to you today.


Wondering What to Think of Mel Gibson

It seems that celebrities can fall in and out of favor with Christians. Or rather with Christian media or culture, I haven’t figured out who decides the correct opinion on people.

In general, a celebrity is embraced by Christians once news gets out of his conversion. “Hey, we got So-and-so now!” But since he’s human, and in the spotlight, he will mess up somehow and then will no longer be the trendy poster-boy for American Christianity. We shouldn’t be so fickle, and I hope that in general any new Christian can find a local church that will support and encourage new believers through whatever problems they have.

In this particular case of Mel Gibson though, it seems his popularity within Christianity has had more ups and downs than anyone else.

It starts out with his background: a movie actor who was raised Catholic. Okay, we’ll take that.
Wait, he makes R-rated movies? Never mind, that’s bad.
But he’s making a movie about Jesus. And it’s faithful to the source material? Ok, that’s good.
Did you see he got a DUI? That’s not good.
And he made disparaging remarks about Jews? That’s not good either, what’s wrong with this guy?
He apologized for that though. Well, apologizing is a Christian trait, so that’s good.


Mr. Gibson may have been in and out of the news in the decade or so since I wrote the first draft, but I haven’t kept up. If he has, it’s certainly not been to the level it was back then.

Do not trust in noblemen, In mortal man, in whom there is no salvation.

Psalm 146:3

SCL Old Guest Post – Pilgrimage

Here is a guest post I wrote for SCL back in the day (2011 in case you’re wondering). It wasn’t run because I didn’t actually write a full blog post for Jon, I just sent him an outline of ideas. But I decided to fill it out and present it to you today.


Other religions have official pilgrimages, and the Jews in the time of the Bible had to go to Jerusalem for certain annual festivals, but Christianity is a little more decentralized, so it has multiple unofficial pilgrimages. I’ve been on a couple of them, keep track and see how high a score you get (one point per destination).

  • Israel – tying into the Biblical pilgramages to Jerusalem, this is the most spiritual of the Christian pilgrimage options. Most people opt for a Bible tour – seeing the places mentioned in the Bible, and hopefully learning something in the process. I’ve experienced this only vicariously, by watching videos. That method is worth half a point, by the way.
  • Colorado Springs – this is a close second because of all the ministries there. You can visit headquarters for Compassion International, Focus on the Family, and the Navigators.
  • Northern Kentucky – this is a close third because only an hour apart from each other are both the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter. Get your fill of Genesis in this part of the country.
  • Vatican City – this is a controversial one, because hard-core Catholics are probably considering this an official pilgrimage and hard-core Protestants are probably considering it heresy to give any attention to the Vatican. There’s a lot of church history there, and in surrounding Rome as well, so you can get something out of it no matter your affiliation.
  • Up North – I used to think “going up north” was a Michigan thing, but people in southern Minnesota go north to relax/escape/vacation also, so I’m just going to apply the term to everyone. Since the location of the temple changed from Jerusalem to each believer’s body, you are holy no matter where you go. And thus anywhere you go could be a pilgrimage. You could push it and say anywhere anywhere, but I prefer anywhere that’s not work.

That last one may have been a stretch, but lists are required to have either 3, 5, 7, or 10 items. I had only 4 and that was not going to cut it. Any places I forgot?

Your statutes are my songs In the house of my pilgrimage.

Psalm 119:54