Archive for February, 2012

Beta Questions

I was lying on the floor, playing with baby Delta, when Beta started paying close attention to my appearance for some reason. Here are his questions:

  • Why is your nose so big?
  • Why is your tummy hairy?
  • Why is your tummy so floppy?
  • Why do you have so many gold hairs?
  • Why do you have white hairs in your ears?

And they were all right in a row.

I tried to answer him as best I could, but it was hard to come up with some answers.

  • The better to smell you with
  • That’s how men are. You’ll get hairy when you are older too.
  • Because I haven’t been running during the winter
  • That’s what happens as people get older
  • Umm… the better to hear you with?

Solomon answered all her questions; nothing was hidden from the king which he did not explain to her.

1 Kings 10:3

Free Car Wash

I found a way to get a free car wash for every four trips to the gas station.

It might not be the best quality wash. It might leave some drips and streaks. And it requires some effort on your part. But it is free.

Just take the windshield squeegee and, after cleaning your windshield, clean the side of your vehicle. Every fill-up, do a different side: 4 sides = 1 complete wash every 4th time.

free car wash from the gas station

I left the bottom of the door alone, so you could see the before and after.

I know you could do the whole vehicle at once, resulting in a free car wash for every one trip to the gas station. But that would be too obvious.

then the priest shall order them to wash the thing in which the mark occurs and he shall quarantine it for seven more days.

Leviticus 13:54

Dropping the Mic

The mic drop is old now.

It has become too popular.

In fact, it is so mainstream now that people are writing blog posts about it. That alone should tell you something.

I have two thoughts on the practice of dropping the microphone after your set to indicate that you are done (and, apparently, to indicate that you think you did such an outstanding job that no one could follow you or top that):

1. That must really annoy the sound techs. Now that mic drops are popular (or at least not uncommon anymore), you must be prepared for the end of someone’s set. You need to switch off the line before the mic hits the floor. Plus you should have extra backup equipment in case the mic breaks on impact.

2. It’s time for some more variety. Let’s have some more creativity in the microphone celebrations.
How about these?

  • hand the mic to the ref with no fanfare
  • shake the mic into your hand then toss it into the air
  • spike the mic
  • sign the mic and hand it to a fan

Any other ways to show you are done with the mic?

After my words they did not speak again,
And my speech dropped on them.

Job 29:22

Venn Diagram of Candy Bars

Yesterday I presented a flowchart of candy bars. But I think a flowchart is not the best way to show the variations of candy bars and their ingredients.

What is the best way?

A Venn diagram!

Venn diagram of candy bar ingredients

I suppose it would be more appropriate to call this an Euler diagram rather than a Venn diagram, but not many people know or care about the difference.

I took the little book out of the angel’s hand and ate it, and in my mouth it was sweet as honey; and when I had eaten it, my stomach was made bitter.

Revelation 10:10

Flowchart of Candy Bars

Some of you may have ignored this post when you saw that the title contains the word flowchart. But that would mean that you’re not reading this, so why am I bothering to explain that?

Here is a flowchart that documents the choices among candy bars, in case you are overwhelmed at the grocery check-out.

flowchart to decide which candy bar to eat, based on its ingredients

Transcript (although it’s hard to type a flowchart in plain text) :
Which candy bar is right for you?
Do you like chocolate?
Do you like peanuts?
Do you like caramel?
Do you like peanut butter?
Do you like a lot of peanuts?
Do you like nougat?
Do you even know what nougat is?
Do you like crunchy stuff?
that sticks to your teeth?
Do you like coconut?
(I’m not going to bother listing the various candy bars)

So I went to the angel, telling him to give me the little book. And he said to me, “Take it and eat it; it will make your stomach bitter, but in your mouth it will be sweet as honey.”

Revelation 10:9

Another Diversion

Because there aren’t enough things on the internet yet…

Go visit Social Biblia.

Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘ Write all the words which I have spoken to you in a book.

Jeremiah 30:2

Life with Gamma

This episode involves Gamma. Enjoy!

I: Don’t tickle his eyes!
I think I was worried that someone’s cornea would be scratched. Sometimes the kids don’t know how to be gentle.

Gamma: When my head gets bigger it will look like your head
I: Yes, when you grow up, that should be the case.
Fans of Space Ghost Cartoon Planet should be thinking of a certain skit right now…

Gamma: Mommy, I put my finger in the plug and it didn’t hurt.
Thanks a lot, whichever children’s book had the lesson about not touching outlets. Now my child will doubt any other warnings we may give him. I can guess his future:
“Look, I’m reading in the dark and my eyes don’t hurt!”
“Hey, I ran with scissors and nothing happened!”
“I played ball in the street and no cars hit me.”
It’s all about risk, son, and probabilities.

Scene: the dinner table, with everyone eating nicely
Gamma: I making water!
I look over and see that he has a fistful of ground beef and he is squeezing it so that the grease drips on the table. Exclamations and a hasty clean-up commence.

You have crowned the year with Your bounty, And Your paths drip with fatness.

Psalm 65:11