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Stuff Christians Like

Friday, August 20th, 2010

Welcome SCL fans!

While there may be no better way, around here at least, to stir up a good debate among Christians than to question the merits of hymns versus praise chori, I do not want to stir up a good debate right now. (And “chori” is the Latin pluralization of chorus, so it’s holier than “choruses”.)

I wrote this blog post mostly to send my regular readers, some of whom don’t regularly check SCL, to SCL. For my regular readers who are not familiar with the acronym SCL: it is short for Stuff Christians Like. Jon runs that blog and was gracious enough publish a guest post that I wrote.

But so that you, dear SCL reader who followed the link from there to here in the hopes that you would be further amused, are not disappointed, I will provide you with one bit of praise chori humor.

image of the Blues Brothers saying that this church plays both types of music - praise and worship

Click on the picture for a slightly larger version. If you’re not familiar with the Blues Brothers, then it probably doesn’t make much sense to you.

I am sure that there is an SCL post waiting to be written on this subject, but I’ll let someone else run with it. I’m all creativitied-out for today.

Praise the LORD!Sing to the LORD a new song,And His praise in the congregation of the godly ones.

Psalm 149:1

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Album Certification for Christians

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

RIAA certifies numbers of albums sold and gives awards for various levels of achievement.

If an album sells more than …

  • 500,000 copies, it is certified Gold.
  • 1,000,000 copies, it is certified Platinum.
  • 10,000,000 copies, it is certified Diamond.

What is the Christian equivalent to RIAA certification?

It’s not the GMA Dove Awards, as those are vote-driven not sales-driven.

The closest thing I found was the CMTA SoundScan, but you have to buy a subscription if you want to know the sales numbers. So I don’t know the Christian music sales numbers, nor do I know if there are awards at various stages of sales achievement.

The RIAA people don’t give awards that are explicitly Biblical. Christians need an equivalent to the worldly awards. There are Christian music associations, so why not more Christian awards?

Therefore, I propose a Biblical rating system for album sales. If an album sells more than …

  • 200,000 copies, it is certified Gold.
  • 500,000 copies, it is certified Frankincense.
  • 1,000,000 copies, it is certified Myrrh.

Notice I made the numbers smaller too. That wasn’t done to be more Biblical; that was done so that musicians in the GMA/CMTA realm could make the cutoff.

I’ll keep you, loyal reader, updated if anything ever comes of my proposal.

After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then, opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Matthew 2:11

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Sand Sculpture Contest

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

One of the things about Maranatha is that they have contests almost every day (at 2:00 at the beach). They announce the contest in the morning (disc golf, water balloon catch, etc.) so that you can prepare yourself for the afternoon contest. I think if they wanted more participants they would also advertise that the winners get free ice cream (which they do, but for some reason that is never announced).

Anyway, the one contest in which I participated (along with other family members) was the sand sculpture contest. My brother-in-law spent some time that week browsing the internet researching sand sculptures, and he found one that was amusing. It was someone’s head.

sand sculpture of a woman's head

You put a bucket on its side (mouth), pile up sand around it, and put seaweed on top (hair). Then you just have to make eyes and a nose somehow. Even though it isn’t 100% sand, you do use items that are normally found on a beach.

So when the announcer guy said “Today’s contest is the sand sculpture contest.” we were prepared. Then he added that they had a theme for the contest – the sculptures should be patriotic in nature. Or was it American? Either way, there was a specific theme and all we had were plans for someone’s head.

We went ahead (get it?) and built it anyway:

sand sculpture of a lady's head

But to make it patriotic, we added some words: “God Bless America”

sand sculpture of a woman singing God Bless America

There, now it’s not just any lady – it’s Kate Smith!

Maybe not the most flattering representation of her, but an honoring tribute nonetheless. And very patriotic.

picture of the a Kate Smith sand sculpturepicture of the a Kate Smith stamp

Plus the judges liked it.

On a totally unrelated note: Next year, if the theme allows, I have plans for a great Jabba the Hutt sand sculpture.

It was carved with cherubim and palm trees; and a palm tree was between cherub and cherub, and every cherub had two faces,

Ezekiel 41:18

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Cheesy Pun

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Here is my contribution to the world of visual puns:

pictures of prov-together and prov-alone pun using provolone cheese

Prov-together, prov-alone.

That’s a lonely slice of provolone there.

And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE.’”

Luke 4:4

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More Internet Browsing

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

I left out a number of web browsers in yesterday’s post.

To make up for that, I am displaying some of their logos here. Your job for today’s post is to find the best web bowser logo.

various internet browser logos, including Bowser

No, I did not misspell “browser”. If you don’t know who Bowser is, then you probably didn’t appreciate today’s post.

Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook?Or press down his tongue with a cord?

Job 41:1

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Internet Browsing

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

In my hobby of conjugating non-verbs, I came across the word “browser”. I thought it would be a fun example because I could use various internet browser logos.

So here is my submission for the various forms of the word “browse”: browse, browser, and browsest.

chart of internet browsers going from browse to browser to browsest

I know, “browsest” isn’t a word, and that’s not how words are conjugated anyway. And there was no ranking criteria either. I would have liked to use the Safari logo, but there were only three forms of the word, so I had to limit it to three browsers. For the internetally-challenged: the logos are Google Chrome, Firefox, and Opera.

Should he argue with useless talk,Or with words which are not profitable?

Job 15:3

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Corny Beef

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

The Cheezburger Network combines the best and worst of the internet: it’s amusing and clever but it’s a waste of time. Okay, maybe there are worse things than just wasting time.

The CN sites follow the same formula: take a photo and add a caption to make it funny. It can get old quickly. And the CN can contain material that is inappropriate for children.

Or inappropriate for anyone.

But they do have one site, So Much Pun, that is slightly different from the others. I may or may not submit the following picture to them. You may see it on there eventually, but you will have seen it here first.

image of kerned beef pun

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the technical details of typography and therefore do not quite get the pun, you might want to learn more about kerning.

Kerned beef is beef that had its letter spacing optimized.

And those of you who are not familiar with corned beef might as well just forget you even saw this post.

And he wrote a letter having this form:

Acts 23:25

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