Some Blog Site

Upgrades and Downgrades

Child 1: I used to be awesome. Now I’m … really awesome!
(A short time later he does something annoying.)
Child 2: You’ve been downgraded to semi-awesome.

Thanks a lot, Echo

The Scene: the kids have been using the Amazon Echo to do various things, mainly starting a song that someone else doesn’t like then he tells Echo to stop that and play his song instead. After that was done, the boys were interacting with each other, until one tired of the other.
Gamma: Hey Delta, turn off

Which Brand

Me: Time to go, get in the car.
Gamma: Are we taking the planet car?
Me: We are taking the Mercury. Oh, yes, I suppose that’s the planet car.
I need to get a Saturn so he will have to be more specific next time.

Not in Real Life

The Scene: We are driving down the driveway in the morning pre-dawn fog. A flock of turkeys, which we had always seen walking around but never flying, comes flying in from the left and lands in front of us and then they walk off into the fog on the lawn. Since turkeys are big and not well organized, they appear kind of one at a time right in a row rather than all at once.
Delta: We found the turkey spawn point!
Yes, that boy has played video games recently, why do you ask?

I haven’t had a Family Conversations post in a while, but this should fit in that category. It’s just one though. Now that all the kids are in middle school and up, they don’t talk as much.

The scene: Delta has an origami book and has been practicing making paper cranes, and they’re turning out fairly well.
Delta:Dad, let’s see who can make a paper crane faster.
Me:Ok…go!
We both commence folding. I win the race.
Me:I’m done.
Delta:No, dad, one that looks good.
I do not know how to fold paper cranes. I folded something, but you would not have guessed it to be a crane. Unfortunately, I did not save it nor photograph it.

Gamma, having just read the school lunch flyer : When it says ‘reduced lunch’, do you get less food or just a lower price?

Gamma : Delta punched me…
Me : Delta!
Gamma : …last year sometime.

Delta : I’m mad! I need a 2-minute break.
Me : Ok, go ahead.
Delta : Good, I get to break things for 2 minutes.
Me : Oh no you don’t.

The Scene: We are in a hotel with a pool.
Child, having just read an older comic strip that didn’t make much sense to him : What’s a bikini?
Me : A girl’s swimsuit.
Some Wife, remembering an earlier trip in an elevator when a family with girls was headed to the pool and certain boys didn’t know how to conduct themselves: And what do you do if you see a girl in a swimsuit? Do you laugh? Or stare? Or point?
Other Child : No, you run away screaming.
All Children : AAAAAAAAAHHH!

And of course they were waving their hands over their heads and pretending to run.

Delta, stomping very madly across the floor
Me : What’s the matter?
Delta: He looked at me while I was going potty.
Gamma: The door was open, I didn’t know.
Me : Shut the door then.
Delta: But I want it open!
Me : Well then, don’t get mad if people look in.

This post will be slightly different from the usual Conversations posts, because it’s things I overheard or were said to me during our vacation. I didn’t note who said what, just the things that were said.

The Scene – we are about to cross the street in Seattle : We must wait until it is safe. But who will save us?
The crosswalk sign changes from a red hand to a white figure : Yay! The white man has saved us!

I don’t know what they’re teaching these kids in social studies these days…

Some Wife : Well, it happens to the best of us…
Child : Like me!

No lack of self esteem in that one.

Some Wife : You don’t need to do that, he’s not highly contagious.
Child : Is he lowly contagious?

Child, counting the ridges on a potato chip : …8, 9, 10. This chip is 10 years old!

I think that might have been just after we saw the redwoods.

Child, after seeing a certain commercial : I don’t want that deodorant. It just says it fights odors all day. I want one that wins.

Child, after observing a senior citizen wearing long sleeves while we were all sweating in shorts : Old people don’t get hot in summer because their white hair reflects the heat.

Child 1 : What am I saying? Yanni, Yanni.
Everyone Else : Laurel, Laurel.
Child 1 : Arrrgh!! Why does nobody hear me!?!

Child 1 : You’re the best brother.
Child 2 : Thanks, you’re the best brother.

I suppose they could both be right.

Bonus Item
Child 1, smacking a random brother on the back with his open hand : 5-star rating!
Smacked Brother, annoyed : Da-aaaaad, he gave me a 5-star rating.

I’m going to blame that one on the public schools too.

Delta, watching Gamma throw a rock into a puddle : Look, you’re making the internet go!

It took me a second to catch on, too. What he meant is that the ripples in the puddle look like the standard Wi-Fi symbol.

The Scene: Some Wife had just made a statement that everyone interpreted to mean something different than what she meant.
Me : She said one thing and we all heard something different.
Gamma : No, we all heard the same thing but thought different things.
Me : Well, yes.

The Scene: I am getting Gamma his portion of dinner, attempting to keep food items separate. I spill some gravy on his vegetables.
Gamma : That’s okay – gravy is like maple syrup because it tastes good on everything.

That’s the spirit!

Gamma, having just read an older comic strip that didn’t make much sense to him : What’s a long-distance carrier?
Someday I’ll have to explain collect calls to him too.

The Scene: We just watched the TV report on how the Philadelphia Eagles were owning their status as underdogs for the Super Bowl.
Gamma : So then, the Patriots are the overdogs?

Gamma : If you love something, let it go. Unless it’s chocolate.
Me : Where did you get that?
Gamma : From the cereal box.

Gamma, after reading a Peanuts collection : It was a dark and stormy night… and there were butterflies!

Delta : Last night, when I said I brushed my teeth, I was joking.

Gamma : How do you spell ‘cigar’?
Me : C-I-G-A-R
Gamma : Well, what does S-U-G-A-R spell then?
Me : Sugar
Gamma : Why doesn’t S-U-G-A-R sound like ‘cigar’?
Me : Good question

The scene: we just finished listening to a CD of Les Miserables
Delta, singing : Do you hear the people sing, singing the song that never ends…

The scene: the kids are on scooters, and we are at the top of a big hill
Me, to Gamma : What do you do if the scooter starts going too fast?
Gamma : Steer off the sidewalk into the grass.
Me : Very good. Off you go.
Me, to Delta : What do you do if the scooter starts going too fast?
Delta : Say “Wheeee!”
That right there tells you everything you need to know about those two.

Delta : What can I have to eat that’s a donut?

Me : Ah ah ah! No punching!
Delta : I wasn’t punching. I was fist bumping
slight pause
Delta : …his face