Archive for the ‘Conversations’ Category

Family Conversations, Part 27

The scene: we just finished listening to a CD of Les Miserables
Delta, singing : Do you hear the people sing, singing the song that never ends…


The scene: the kids are on scooters, and we are at the top of a big hill
Me, to Gamma : What do you do if the scooter starts going too fast?
Gamma : Steer off the sidewalk into the grass.
Me : Very good. Off you go.
Me, to Delta : What do you do if the scooter starts going too fast?
Delta : Say “Wheeee!”
That right there tells you everything you need to know about those two.


Delta : What can I have to eat that’s a donut?


Me : Ah ah ah! No punching!
Delta : I wasn’t punching. I was fist bumping
slight pause
Delta : …his face

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:5

Olympic Medals Per Whatever

I used to keep track of Olympic medal counts normalized to various criteria (population, GDP, Olympic delegate size, etc.)

But now, it seems that everyone else is doing that too. So why waste my time on producing information that is already produced?

In case you are interested in the old results, they are at the Olympic Results page of SomeFunSite. But that page will no longer be updated.

So Moses issued a command, and a proclamation was circulated throughout the camp, saying, “Let no man or woman any longer perform work for the contributions of the sanctuary.” Thus the people were restrained from bringing any more.

Exodus 36:6

Overheard: High Fives

This is not the standard Family Conversations post, but it is worthy of sharing. It is a brief interaction I overheard between someone and his young child.

Parent: Did you go potty?
Child: Yep!
Parent: Alright! High five!
High fives ensue
Parent: Wait, did you wash your hands?

I forget the child’s answer, because I was chuckling at the less-than-ideal order of his actions. Only go for the high fives after you verify the child has clean hands.

Why do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread.

Matthew 15:2

Family Conversations, Part 26

Delta : Dad!
Me : Delta!
Delta : Dad!
Me : Delta!
Delta : Dad!
Me : Delta!
Delta : Dad!
Me : Delta!
Gamma : Dad, you’re supposed to say “what”
Delta : Dad!
Me : What?
Delta : I’m hungry.


The scene: Delta is crying.
Delta : What’s the last song on the CD?
Me : Good King Wenceslas
Delta : Gamma said it was Delta is a Bad Boy.
Me : Nope, that’s not even a real song.


The scene: Delta has just finished running up the driveway.
Delta : My head is beating.
Pause
Delta : My heart is in my head now!


Gamma : If fish don’t breathe air, why do they jump out of water? Is it like their swimming?
It took me a second to figure that one out.


Beta : Dad, Gamma hit me!
Gamma : He told me to!
Me : Did you ask him to hit you?
Beta : Yes
Me : Well, what did you expect?


The scene: We are on a long drive. Everyone is quiet and occupied, except for one child.
Gamma : Dad!
Me : Yes?
Gamma : Dad!
Me : Yes?
Gamma : Dad, what would you be like if you had no bones?
I offer some explanation.
Gamma : Dad, why do birds fly in a V?
I offer some explanation.
Gamma : Dad, how do people know what brains look like?
I offer some explanation.
Gamma : Dad, how does an air conditioner work?
I offer some explanation.
Gamma : So when it’s hot out, it gets even hotter because all the cars’ air conditioners take the cold air?
Me : I think so.
Gamma : Dad, how does salt melt snow?
I offer some explanation.
Gamma : Dad, when you cut paper, where does it go?
Me : It just separates, like you’re ripping it.
Gamma : But where does it go?
Me : ???
Gamma : Last time, you said it goes to the other side.
Me : Okay, that sounds right.
I had no idea he asked me that before. Must remember to offer only valid explanations to things.

There were many more, but those were the most interesting questions I could remember.


Me : Look, I just smacked a mosquito.
Gamma : Where?
Me : There, see the blood?
Gamma : Why did the blood come out?
Me : He was drinking my blood, and I hit him, so my blood came out of him.
Gamma : Like he was laughing when he was drinking so the blood came out his nose?
Me : No, his tummy was full of my blood and when I squished him he broke open.

I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It is melted within me.

Psalm 22:14

Family Conversations, Part 25


The scene: Gamma is looking at a book cover.
Gamma : Is she a mutant?
Me : No she’s a girl. Twelve. No wait. Thirteen. She just had a birthday.
Gamma : What’s a mutant?
Me : Someone who has changed.
Gamma : So she’s a mutant?
Me : No she’s a girl.
Gamma : She’s a teenager.
Me : I suppose she is a mutant.

We’ll have some mutants in our house in a few years.


Me : Don’t throw things down the stairs!
Delta : That was Gamma.
Me : No it wasn’t – it was a marble.

Gotta teach these kids at an early age the value of humor.


Gamma, singing : Puff the magic dragon lived in Galilee.


Gamma : Do snapdragons like to bite bad guys?

I think too much Mario has him overestimating the abilities of flowers.


Other student : if I caught on fire I’d probably run around crazy.
Me : No, you’re supposed to stop drop and roll
Beta : Just don’t roll in a pile of dry leaves

Good point.


Delta : Is a lemon an animal?
Me : No, it’s a fruit
Delta : But chicken is an animal
Me : Yes
Delta : Do lemons have two legs?
Me : Nope, lemons do not have legs.


Delta, showing me his drawing : This is an underwater gas tank it’s burning up with fire. Because it’s the bad guy underwater gas tank.

Bad guys are a popular topic amongst the 3-6 year-old set.


Having said these things to them, He stayed in Galilee.

John 7:9

Family Conversations, Part 24


The scene: I see Gamma is drinking a cup of something.
Me : Is that coffee?
Gamma : I don’t have coffee – I’m not a grandpa!


The scene: I have just returned from running.
Gamma, to me : You stink – you’re all sweaty.
Gamma, loudly : Everybody get your nose shields!


The scene: Everyone is buckled in the minivan and I’m driving.
Beta : I’m going to Dairy Queen! Who’s with me?

Picture it like he’s William Wallace.


The scene: We watched Disney’s The Aristocats the day before.
Delta : Why does everybody want to be a cat?
Me : Because a cat’s the only cat who knows where it’s at.
Delta : Do dogs know where they’re at?
Me : Not as well as cats do.

And sometimes not at all.


The scene: I catch Beta wearing boots inside the house.
Me : Don’t wear your boots in the house!
Beta : It’s okay then – they’re not mine.

Okay, don’t wear anyone’s boots in the house.


Delta : Why did the turkey cross the road?
Gamma : Because the chicken was on vacation.
Delta : No, because the tornado was going to blow him up!


King Solomon made 200 large shields of beaten gold, using 600 shekels of beaten gold on each large shield.

2 Chronicles 9:15

Family Conversations, Part 23


Beta : Dad, can you fix the clock?
Me : Sure, but why is it not working?
Beta : My slider got away from me…

That was in the living room. Not the best place for pitching practice.


Gamma, pointing to a globe : What’s that line?
Me : That’s the equator.
Gamma : What’s the equator?
Me : It’s the middle of the earth.
Gamma : Then where’s the hot lava?
Me : That’s the middle of the inside of the earth. The equator shows the middle of the outside of the earth.


Me : Delta, what are you thankful for?
Delta : Lava.
Me : Okay. How about you, Gamma?

Delta’s answer to most things is “lava”.


Gamma : What’s the opposite of orange juice?
Me : Umm, apple slices.
Gamma : What’s the opposite of lemonade?
Me : Chocolate.


Gamma : Is fish the opposite of less?
Me : ???
Gamma : Because selfish is the opposite of selfless.
Me : Actually, it’s ish. Self-ish. So that would make ish synonymous with more.


Gamma : I just counted to 1000!
Alpha : You did not. That was too quick. What were you counting by?
Gamma : Thousands.


If it looks like a lot of quotes from Gamma, that’s because he’s doing a lot of talking.

Do not eat the bread of a selfish man,
Or desire his delicacies;

Proverbs 23:6