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Here are a couple random conversations that occurred around here recently:

A Careful 5-Year-Old

Me: Be careful, you just hit your brother on the head!
Beta: Yes, but I didn’t poke his eye!

At least he knows what’s important. But where does he learn such things?

Countdown

Beta: What day is tomorrow?
Me: Tuesday.
Beta: And the next day?
Me: Wednesday.
Beta: And the next day?
Me: Thursday.
Beta: Yea! Three more days until Wipeout!

The kids are big Wipeout fans. They were so excited to learn that Winter Wipeout was changing to Spring Wipeout. But then Alpha’s school complicated things:

Challenge

Alpha: The 4th-grade class challenged the school to a week without TV.
Me: That means no Wipeout…
Alpha: Well, we don’t have to do it.

Challenge? That sounds optional. At least I won’t worry about his being tempted by dares when he’s older.

Here are a couple random conversations that occurred around here recently:

Wrestling

I don’t wrestle much with my children. That’s what uncles are for. But a while back they went through a wanting-to-wrestle with Daadaa phase, so I obliged them with some wrestling. How could I refuse when they spread blankets on the floor and propped pillows against the furniture?

So we wrestled. It was Alpha and Beta versus me. They’re still small and light, so I would let them get my shoulders down for a few seconds and then I would recover and get one of them down and then I would let him escape after a few seconds and so on and so forth.

The wrestling continued for a while until I decided I needed a break. I let Beta pin me…

Beta: …8…9…10! I won!
Me: Alright, good job Beta. Now let’s –
Beta: LEVEL TWO!!!

Oh, the problems of growing up with video games.

Air Freshener

The scene: just outside Gamma’s room
Alpha: Dad, we got an air freshener for Gamma’s room!
Beta: Yeah, come see it!
Everyone exits stage left into Gamma’s room

The scene: inside Gamma’s room. The children are standing next to the smelly trash can where all the dirty diapers reside. If ever an air freshener was needed, it’s here.
Alpha: Here’s the air freshener!

At that point he steps on the pedal that opens the trash can and they both run out of the room laughing.

That is definitely NOT fresh air from there.

Here are three random conversations that occurred around here recently:

Key Jokes

Alpha: What kind of key can’t open a lock?
Me: A monkey
Alpha: and a turkey and a donkey

…a little bit of time passes, during which time we have opened the box for a new puzzle…

Beta: What animal can’t open a puzzle?
Me: A monkey
Beta: No, a fish!

Well, he’s right about that.

Not Easily Deterred

Me: Beta, you can’t have a Tootsie Roll – you had one for dessert.
Beta: Okay, I’ll have a candy cane!

You’re not getting the point… or the candy cane either.

Pretty Sneaky

Beta: Whoever says potty talk first is out.
Alpha: Okay
Hey Alpha – how do you spell “pizza”?
P-I-Z-Z-A
What was the first letter?
P-
Potty talk! I win!

I was in the other room and overheard this one. If they knew I was listening they might not have played that game… or they might have just whispered it instead.

Here are three conversation snippets from the last month or so. It might give you a good idea of how things are around here.

Bad Crayons

Wife, while we were waiting for our food at a restaurant: If only he used his crayons for good

That Gamma is one busy boy. We have to watch him a lot more carefully than we did the other two. My favorites are the restaurants that just cover their tables in a gigantic sheet of paper so that it doesn’t matter if the kids don’t stay on the place-mat/menu. This was not one of those restaurants.

Loose Parts

Me: Beta, do you have any loose teeth?
Beta: No, but my eye is loose.

I think it wasn’t actually loose, but I didn’t wiggle it because I didn’t want to find out.

A Salami Idea

Here’s one half of a conversation.

Me: I bet it would, but no, we are not going to find out if salami can stick to walls.

I’ll let you figure out the other half.

We had a thunderstorm with a lot of lightning, just after the kids’ bedtime. My wife and I noticed one particular flash of lightning that originated near the ground (not close though) and was greenish. And then the power went out.

My comment was that it looked like a transformer blew up. When the transformers around here blow, they are hurt-your-eyes bright, the light from the blast is green, and there is a very loud buzzing noise during the blast.

After the storm calmed down (and the power came back), I put Alpha back to bed. He was asking about what if the power went out, what if this, what if that, etc.

Then he asked, “What happens if another transformer comes?”

Transformer comes? That’s an odd way to phrase it – the transformer goes out when it blows up.

Then I caught on.

“No, not that type of Transformer. Just an electrical transformer. It’s part of the electrical system. I’ll point one out to you next time we drive by the substation.”

I didn’t exactly confirm my suspicion, but I got the inkling that he thought a Decepticon got in a good hit and blew up the Transformer and that Transformers blow up with a greenish blast.

Secrets

My wife was sitting at the computer. She saw me walk in and asked “Do you want me to check your email for you?”

It was a helpful gesture, but she had never asked that before so I had a somewhat surprised look on my face.

Before I could give an answer, she responded to my puzzlement with “What? you didn’t want me to do that? Why not? What are you hiding from me?” which was meant in a humorous, not suspicious, manner.

We both heard Alpha pipe up from the other room: “chocolate!”
which is funny because I don’t recall ever having hidden any chocolate from my wife, let alone telling Alpha about it.

Cheese

After dinner, Alpha came running into the living room – “Dadda, Gamma made a mess!”

Sure enough, Gamma, who was secured in his high chair because he was still finishing his meal, had dumped Parmesan cheese on his tray and on the floor.

Quite a mess.

But wait, the Parmesan cheese wasn’t anywhere near Gamma when I left the table. And he can’t open the top either.

Me: “Alpha, how did he get the cheese?”

“I gave it to him.”
“And did you open the top for him too?”
“Yes”
“Then go get the broom and dustpan and sweep it up.”

The kids sure are good at trying to get the other one in trouble.

Here are some things said in conversation with Beta recently:

Compound Words

It is fun when kids transpose the parts of compound words. The other one that I have heard is “rollersteam“.

And if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I have to go hide my toothbrush.

Half a Conversation

And now we’ve come to the part of the show where I write only one side of the conversation and you must imagine the other side of the conversation as well as the circumstances:

Beta likes to hug Gamma more than Gamma likes to be hugged. I sensed that Gamma was getting frustrated and I tried to rescue him. I forget exactly what Beta said, but he did use the phrase “baby tug-of-war“.

TV Shows

Don’t you just love Beta’s child-like faith? God is in control of everything.

My wife answered that people chose the shows’ times – a little appetizer for the youngster on the free-will/sovereignty discussion perhaps. How much freedom does God give man? Does man really get to choose things in this life? Maybe these people just think that they picked the show times. What about unbelievers who disobey God – does that mean they are thwarting God’s plans? Such heavy topics for a 4-year-old…

My answer would have been “Because God knows that kids should be in bed at night and should not be watching TV.” But that’s with the luxury of hindsight – I don’t know that I would have come up with that one on the spot.