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Family Conversations, Part 20

Apr

8

2014

Gamma: You know what I do to Delta when I tell him “I’ll give you something to cry about?”
Some Guy (suspiciously) : No, what?
Gamma: I tell him that he lost his favorite ball in the summer!

I couldn’t help but smile at that one.

And no, he didn’t get that phrase from me.

The Scene: Delta runs to me, crying
Some Guy: What’s wrong?
Delta: Daddy, Gamma smacked me!
Some Guy: I’m sorry. Where?
Delta: In the living room.

If he weren’t two years old, I would have thought he had been watching old comedy sketches somewhere.

Gamma: I’m practicing air hockey so I can win more than Beta.
Some Guy : That’s right – if you want to be good at something you need to practice, to work at it.
Gamma: Like if I don’t like eating vegetables, I need to practice eating more of them?
Some Guy : Sure.

The Scene: informal Bible lesson
Some Guy: The Roman soldiers used a piece of armor called the breastplate to protect their vital organs.
Beta: Yeah, if they didn’t, then their Little Einsteins would come gooshing out!
Alpha: Not Little Einsteins! Little intestines!
Some Guy: Small intestines, but yes, that could happen.

The Scene: leaving the doctor office after a blood draw
Gamma: Why did they take my blood?
Some Guy : They are going to test it to see what allergies you have.
Gamma: When are they going to put it back?
Some Guy : Oh, they’re not.

Gamma: If your nose is bleeding you use a Kleenex because with a Band-Aid you couldn’t breathe.

The Scene: I’m pretending to eat a pig
Gamma: No, you don’t eat pigs! You need to wait for them to lay bacon.

But since we are of the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation.

1 Thessalonians 5:8

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Family Conversations, Part 19

Apr

9

2013

The Scene: dinner.
Beta: More honey!
Some Wife: No, all you did was lick the honey off the biscuit.

The Scene: I’m looking out the window with Delta
Some Guy: Look at that!
Some Wife: What?
Some Guy: A Bobcat is going down the road
Some Wife, starting to walk over to the window: Really?
Some Guy: Yes, but it’s the small bulldozer kind of Bobcat, not the animal kind of bobcat.
Some Wife, abandoning her trip to the window: Oh, never mind. I thought it was something interesting.
Some Guy: It is!

At least Delta’s with me on this one.

The Scene: Kids’ bedtime
Some Guy: Did you brush your teeth?
Beta: Yes.
Some Guy: Tonight?
Beta: Awww maaaan

Nice try, but you have to brush your teeth tonight.

With toothpaste.

And a toothbrush.

The Scene: I forget
Some Wife, to me: Your eyes are red
Gamma, suddenly interested: Let me see!
Some Guy: Okay
Gamma: There are red hairs in your eyes.
Some Guy: I suppose that’s what bloodshot looks like.

Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you.

Proverbs 4:24

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Family Conversations, Part 17

Feb

26

2013

The Scene: Gamma is sitting on my bed.
Some Guy: Gamma, when’s the last time you went potty?
Gamma: Right now!
Some Guy, panicking: What?! Get off my bed!

What he meant was that he had gone potty shortly before I asked him. In the bathroom, like he should have.
He also refers to anything before today as “last night”. It could have been a year ago – all the past is “last night”.

The Scene: A child who will not be named is misbehaving at the dinner table.
Some Guy: Hey! Stop it! You know better than to do that.
Child: I also know worse…
Some Guy: Well, don’t do that either.

I’m already praying about his teenage years.

The Scene: My wife and I are discussing Delta’s upcoming doctor appointment.
Some Wife: Do we need to schedule any other kids for that day?
Some Guy: I don’t know if anyone needs shots…
Gamma: Nobody does!

He wasn’t supposed to be part of the conversation, but I appreciated his effort.

To give prudence to the naive,
To the youth knowledge and discretion,

Proverbs 1:4

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Words with Gamma

Oct

2

2012

Here are some of the conversations with gamma that I have collected over the last few weeks. Enjoy!

The Scene: Gamma cannot be still and appears to have a full bladder.
Some Guy: Do you need to go potty?
Gamma: No, my knees are just dancing.

The Scene: My neck was sore from too many children grabbing onto my neck as they jumped on my back whenever I sat or knelt.
Gamma (about to jump on my back): Does your neck hurt?
Some Guy: Yes
Gamma: Okay, I’ll just grab your shoulders!

The Scene: Way past bedtime. We are trying to persuade Gamma to go to sleep.
Gamma: I’m still awake because my eyes can’t stay shut

The Scene: Gamma is coughing and we have just decided that he is not going to church.
Gamma: I want to go to church because I will cover my mouth. That’s why I want to go to church.

The Scene: The wife is at the fridge and Gamma is nearby. I walk into the kitchen and my wife has a question.
Wife (to me): What was I going to add to the grocery list?
Gamma: Ice cream and popsicles!

The Scene: I just told Gamma that he should not eat the hot pepper because it is spicy.
Gamma: I will blow the hot off the pepper. Then it will be a cold pepper. No, then it will be warm after I blow on it.

The Scene: We are getting ready to watch Shaun the Sheep. There is an episode with a swamp monster. It is meant to be silly, not scary, but it starts with scary music so the boys call it “the scary one”.
Gamma: I want to watch the scary one.
Some Guy: Oh, I don’t
Gamma: Why not?
Some Guy: It’s too scary.
Gamma: You can go away from the scary part…
Some Guy: Hmm?
Gamma: And they stay in the TV…
Some Guy: ?
Gamma: The scary guy can’t come out where we are
Some Guy: That’s, umm, good to know.

Now in a like exchange—I speak as to children—open wide to us also.

2 Corinthians 6:13

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Hide the Food

Jun

25

2012

Here are four different conversations that we’ve had in our house recently:

Beta, under the table and crawling away from Gamma: I got him!
I, after looking at Gamma’s legs: Don’t rub butter on people!

Especially if they are suffering from a burn. All the first-aid advice I remember can be summarized by “Do not put butter on a burn.” I don’t know what I should put on a burn – maybe I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter?

The Scene: I am making eggs for the boys.
Beta: I don’t eat the yellow part because that is what the chick eats.

Fair enough, but this one is done eating his, so you can have it.

I: Okay, which day do you want to buy school lunch?
Alpha: Friday, because that’s the pizza day.
Beta: Do they have cheese pizza?
Alpha: No, it’s pepperoni. But the pepperoni is so small that you can’t even taste it.
Beta: I want Friday too so I can have the tasteless pizza.

No really, with school lunch that’s a good thing.

Gamma, rubbing his hands together: I got some hand sanitizer!
I: But there’s no… hey! That’s macaroni and cheese!

You’re right, it’s probably close enough.

Can something tasteless be eaten without salt, Or is there any taste in the white of an egg?

Job 6:6

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Family Conversations, Part 16

May

7

2012

Round-up of random utterances that I heard lately. Enjoy!

Wife: Okay, who put socks in the fridge?
The funny part was that Beta came running to claim his socks, which he apparently wanted to be cold.

Gamma: When the poison ivy is gone, what time is it?
I: Umm…4 o’clock
Gamma: 5 o’clock!
Well, at least I was close. His questioning reminded me of those annoying Netflix commercials.

Gamma: I’m washing my hair like a cat.
Wife: What?! Stop licking your hands!
Gamma: But Nanoo said that’s what cats do…
Wife: Yes, but you’re not a cat.

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11

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How Would You Describe It?

Mar

19

2012

photo of greasy frying pan

Gamma pointing to a greasy frying pan: What’s that?
Me: That’s grease.
Gamma stares blankly
Me: It, uh, comes out of the meat when you cook it.
Gamma still not sure
Me: It’s like frosting for the meat!
Gamma walks away, satisfied at the answer (or at least convinced that I don’t have a good explanation)

Maybe butter would have been a better word to use.

Also the fat of an animal which dies and the fat of an animal torn by beasts may be put to any other use, but you must certainly not eat it.

Leviticus 7:24

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