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Have you ever read the lyrics to the song “Goodbye Hello” by the Beatles? Those have to be some of the most worthless lyrics. It’s like listening to grade-school children argue “Did not!” “Did too!” for a couple minutes. It gets old very quickly.

That’s why I’m writing this post – to give you the background for the song. Maybe the song will make a little more sense after my explanation.

A lot of people think the Beatles were good musicians, but a little-known fact is that they started out as stock traders. They did not do very well with stocks (they were a bit clueless about the concept), so they switched over to music.

Here is one of the songs they wrote about their stock-trading days. The lyrics were changed by their producer, but I have unearthed the original lyrics:

You say yes, I say no
You say stop, and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say good buy and I say sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.

You say high, I say low
You say why, and I say “I don’t know”
Oh, no
You say good buy and I say sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.
Sell low, sell low
I don’t know why you say to buy
when I sell low.

This post was inspired by some questionable enunciation during American Idol last week. Not everyone can cover Beatles songs well.

It may have been 9 below zero this morning, but spring training has started so I know winter’s demise is imminent.

I don’t really follow baseball, so I’m surprised that I know that spring training has started. And you may be surprised to know that I got a sneak peek at the new lineup for the 2011 baseball season.

That’s right, I have the exclusive scoop on who will be starting for Detroit. Without further ado, here is the starting lineup for the Detroit Tigers.

Click on the picture for a full-size version. It’s much easier to read.

And sorry about the verse – there are lions in the Bible but no tigers.

Last week, I was in an area store. I was with some of the family, and they wanted me to buy some things. In general, I like to please people. And if those people are my offspring, then I definitely want them to be happy.

But while we were walking through the store, discussing what I could buy to please them, I noticed that pleasing my family was forbidden.

If that’s not what the store meant, then that’s a bad sign. Perhaps they could use some punctuation. Or perhaps they could use complete sentences, but that also would require punctuation.

There are a number of ways they could have written that sign better:

• Please, employees only
• Employees only, please
• For employees only
• If you are not employed here, do not use this ladder

Here’s an update on our kids’ Zhu Zhu Pets (ZZP).

First of all, we added another ZZP to our family, since Gamma didn’t get one for Christmas like the older two did. So now they each have one and everyone is happy, at least in that regard. No picture for this one.

Second, we went to my parents’ house one fine weekend. It just so happens that my parents do not have hamsters, but they do have guinea pigs.

The guinea pig liked having company, but it thought the ZZP was rather rude.

Third, some of my siblings (and their families) also were at the homestead that weekend, which meant the cousins’ ZZPs (or ZZP cousins) were also there. Not only did they bring their ZZPs, but also they brought their ZZP habitat (or track or whatever you want to call it).

We have a few of the circle rooms. Much cheaper on eBay or craigslist.

Last, the one ZZP accessory of which a parent should be especially wary is the hamster wheel.

It looks nice and all, but I believe the ZZP wheel was designed and sold by the battery companies. Think about it. A wheel makes sense for a hamster, so they can use their muscles and stay healthy.

But what purpose does a hamster wheel serve in a battery-powered toy? All it does is cause the batteries to be replaced often (it would be daily if we didn’t impose limits – the kids would leave them running on the wheel indefinitely).

Now a hamster ball – that could be entertaining. But a wheel?

I spent some time with my favorite free photo editor and came up with this pun, a variation on the classic Folgers ad:

I also came up with some captions:

• The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.
• Never purchase military-grade coffee.
• Something about “MREs never get it right”.
• In Soviet Russia, coffee drinks you.

That last one is my favorite.

Paul said to the centurion and to the soldiers, “Unless these men remain in the ship, you yourselves cannot be saved.”

Acts 27:31

Here’s another winter weather update.

Sled Runs

Our neighbor was nice and plowed all his snow into a pile. Our kids like using their sleds on that snow pile. Not the best (about 4 feet high), but it’s quick and convenient. Plus they don’t have far to walk to carry the sled to the top of the hill.

Normally, they’re out there after school and when I get home from work I’ll watch or help them until dinnertime. One day I arrived in time to hear Alpha describing all the options – the runs from the top of the pile.

• Disaster
• Daredevil
• Tiny Terror

They’ve never been skiing, so I don’t know where he got the idea to name the different slopes. Maybe he has a future in marketing.

Gloves

What to do if your glove falls off in the snow?

If you’re a one- or two-year-old, your best bet is just to sit in the snow and cry.

Sledding Devices

Alpha has a favorite sled, which he likes to use. We bought the family a new sled, and Beta promptly claimed it as his. Since Alpha had already claimed his own, and since Gamma didn’t really care, Beta’s claim stuck.

But before all that, Beta was trying different sleds, including this:

Yes, he sat on the shovel and slid down the hill. It worked, mostly.

Here are a couple random conversations that occurred around here recently:

Wrestling

I don’t wrestle much with my children. That’s what uncles are for. But a while back they went through a wanting-to-wrestle with Daadaa phase, so I obliged them with some wrestling. How could I refuse when they spread blankets on the floor and propped pillows against the furniture?

So we wrestled. It was Alpha and Beta versus me. They’re still small and light, so I would let them get my shoulders down for a few seconds and then I would recover and get one of them down and then I would let him escape after a few seconds and so on and so forth.

The wrestling continued for a while until I decided I needed a break. I let Beta pin me…

Beta: …8…9…10! I won!
Me: Alright, good job Beta. Now let’s –
Beta: LEVEL TWO!!!

Oh, the problems of growing up with video games.

Air Freshener

The scene: just outside Gamma’s room
Alpha: Dad, we got an air freshener for Gamma’s room!
Beta: Yeah, come see it!
Everyone exits stage left into Gamma’s room

The scene: inside Gamma’s room. The children are standing next to the smelly trash can where all the dirty diapers reside. If ever an air freshener was needed, it’s here.
Alpha: Here’s the air freshener!

At that point he steps on the pedal that opens the trash can and they both run out of the room laughing.

That is definitely NOT fresh air from there.