An Open Letter to Restaurants
Here’s fair warning, restaurants: we are on to you.
We have caught on to your plans to deceive us, to make us think we have a full bottle of ketchup at our table.
Well, it’s not working.
We have seen past your little disguise. Past the solid-red plastic.
Oh yes, we know it’s the bottle that is red, and that the red is not the ketchup inside.
Why don’t you just give up?
Let us see how much ketchup is in the bottle. That way we don’t have to go through the effort of reaching the bottle, only to find it lacks substance.
And it will save us time for when we snatch a bottle of ketchup from an unoccupied table, only to discover that bottle is empty too.
What are you hiding?
Use clear plastic bottles like everyone else does.
If I were tasked with making restaurant customers’ lives harder, I would keep the opaque red bottles. And I would add weights to the bottles.
That way, customers could no longer use the coping mechanisms they have found useful – hefting the bottle to assess the weight.
There is a positive correlation between weight and ketchup volume. I would exploit that by making each empty bottle weigh as much as a normal full bottle should.
Gotta stay one step ahead of the customer if you want to stay in business.
Why did you flee secretly and deceive me, and did not tell me so that I might have sent you away with joy and with songs, with timbrel and with lyre