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Kids learn language easily. The parent asks “Do you want to eat?” and, soon after, food appears. The child learns that eat or food means the end of his hunger.

Same thing with drink and his thirst. And so on.

But then there are some more complex or vague concepts that they don’t always catch. Sometimes, the parent needs to explain what he means. Otherwise, the child’s way of learning language – associating a feeling or result with the word or phrase uttered just before that – might not work.

For example, the phrase Be Careful.

As a parent, you should never say that phrase. Instead, say something specific. What, exactly, do you want your child to do or not do?

Here is an illustration of why be careful is ineffective.

If you, as a parent, always say “Be careful!” when your risk-loving child is about to do something risky, he will interpret that phrase as meaning “what you are about to do is fun and thrilling!”.

Car companies have given various names and labels to the parts of the car. Unfortunately, while those names may reflect the intended use of the part, they don’t necessarily reflect the real-world function.

Here is a handy guide that re-labels the items in a car with what they actually mean:

• Activate the high-beam switch in order to summon oncoming traffic
• Step on the gas pedal in order to induce the car in front of you to brake
• Step on the brake pedal in order to engage the tail-gating abilities of the car behind you
• Activate the turn signal in order to eliminate any spaces between cars near you

Bonus Item

• Turn off the wipers in order to cause the car passing you to hit a puddle

Any other things in your car that need disclaimers for their side effects?

I don’t follow basketball much, but I hear a little bit about it as I listen to the news, traffic, weather, and sports during my commute. Every year, some people have complaints about the NBA lottery pick system. Why their draft can’t be like everyone else’s, I’m not sure.

But people were proposing changes to the lottery draft format. Most proposals are intended to curb the motivation for teams to lose on purpose in order to get a better draft. One proposal that I remember was to give more ping-pong balls to the non-playoff teams with the better records. That would decrease the incentive to lose, but that would be counter to the purpose of the draft – to help bad teams.

That whole sports-talk radio bit got me thinking as to other ways the NBA could run its draft. Here are my proposals, if they are intent on ignoring the simplest process of just basing it on record:

• Plinko
  It would make as much sense as the current system, but be more entertaining. Make it a giant Plinko board, with the names of all the available draft picks at the bottom. They would have to have all the number combinations as separate ping-pong balls, instead of just 14 balls like they have currently. But then the commissioner just dumps all the balls at once and then it’s a race to the bottom!
• Silent Auction
  Not as entertaining as Plinko, but perhaps some more drama possible. Instead of a certain number of ping-pong ball combinations, each team would get a certain number of Draft Bucks they could spend. Worse teams would get more Draft Bucks. I think this would work better if it applied to the whole draft, not just the first part. Then teams could overspend for one player if they wanted, at the expense of their second round. On second thought, this might be too much like a salary cap, and fans might want something different.
• White Elephant-Style
  That’s right – stealing. The draft would occur with the best team going first and the worst team last. A team could draft anyone off the board, or steal a player who was drafted by an earlier team. The NBA would set limits on how many steals are allowed and such. Possibly confusing, but definitely more exciting.

Any other ideas for how to improve (or at least change) the NBA draft?

Now that the NFL is about done for the year, all those fantasy football leagues are but a memory.

I have not participated in any fantasy football leagues, but I think I should have, because fantasy is one of my favorite literary genres. Septimus Heap, Percy Jackson, Narnia, etc.

And that got me to thinking – why are none of the other literary genres involved?

We have fantasy football:

Why not sci-fi football?
(more…)

I’ve been wondering what would happen if corn stalks could run for office:

Four more ears! Four more ears!

I wonder why this idea never became as popular as the penny-based idea:

Actually, let me modify that – only the first half of the sign was popular. Not many people took advantage of the second half of the sign.

Whiteboards and dry-erase markers are a great idea.

But sometimes the colors don’t erase very well.

Then the board becomes hard to read, and the eraser is useless.

Some people might give up and just buy a new board.

But don’t do that. Keep going until the whiteboard is a complete mess.

(muddled whiteboard)

That’s when you buy my new product – the white whiteboard marker!

Now that board can be used again.

Keep using the white marker until

the board is fully white!

Then start the process all over again.

I wish I had an actual product available, but I don’t. Nothing here for you to buy.