Some Blog Site

Whiteboards and dry-erase markers are a great idea.

But sometimes the colors don’t erase very well.

Then the board becomes hard to read, and the eraser is useless.

Some people might give up and just buy a new board.

But don’t do that. Keep going until the whiteboard is a complete mess.

(muddled whiteboard)

That’s when you buy my new product – the white whiteboard marker!

Now that board can be used again.

Keep using the white marker until

the board is fully white!

Then start the process all over again.

I wish I had an actual product available, but I don’t. Nothing here for you to buy.

Transcript:
Telephone handset: Hello, and thanks for calling Paul’s Appliance Repair, where we exceed your expectations. How can we help you?
Lady: Yes, my washer stopped working. Can you come take a look at it?
Paul’s: Sure, we can be there in 10 minutes.
Lady: Wow, you got here fast!
Paul’s: Yes ma’am – we try to exceed your expectations.
Paul’s: Okay, it’s fixed now.
Lady: Wow, that was fast too.
Paul’s: Yes ma’am – we try to exceed your expectations.
Lady: How much do I owe you?
Paul’s: $500. That’s $250 for the service call and $250 for parts and labor.
Lady: I was expecting to pay around $200.
Paul’s: Yes ma’am – we try to exceed your expectations.
Lady: I knew there was a catch.

I never really liked the phrase “exceed your expectations”. In general, I prefer not to have surprises. I want to know what to expect and then I want those expectations fulfilled.

It’s nice if you can do better than forecast, but don’t surprise me with it.
“Good news, sir. We were able to fix your car two days faster than the initial estimate of six days!”
“Why is that good news? I’m out of town and won’t be back for another two days – right when my car was supposed to be ready. I hope you didn’t have to work any overtime to finish it sooner.”

The car owner might sound grumpier than he needs to sound, but I hope you get the point – surprises are not always good. In the service industry, your goal should be to make the customer happy, not to exceed his expectations. Maybe exceeding his expectations is one way to make him happy, or maybe understanding his expectations and meeting them is another way, or maybe clearly defining what you will accomplish so that his expectations are correct is another way.

Watch out for that incomplete stranger – he’s not quite all there.

I didn’t set out to make any political statements or economic analysis here; I just heard an political-economic term and it sounded like it could be a feature at a water park. I thought “What other economic terms could be in a water park?” and naturally they divided themselves into two camps.

Here are the features of the socialist water park:

• Soak the Rich splash park
• Slippery Slope of Government Regulation water slide
• Lazy River of welfare

Here are the features of the capitalist water park:

• Trickle Down splash park
• Market Cycle wave pool
• Industrious River of work
• Negotiation and Concession stands

Wait, why are you talking about economics and money and politics now? We were just discussing the new style guide…

I don’t watch much soccer, but I have seen enough youth games to know the stereotypical kindergarten-level soccer involves one clump of kids following/surrounding the ball. It makes for a bad soccer game – each player attacking the ball from his own angle, but all at the same time so it never goes anywhere.

Much better are the soccer games where each player has an assigned role and stays in that zone. Here’s a diagram in case you can’t picture it.

Since I’m not a soccer fan, why am I writing about this? Because it applies to work.

Bad coaches let the players clump around the ball.

Bad managers assign workers to clump around the critical issue.

“Ted, what are you working on?”
“The Barnum project”
“We have an urgent issue with the Bailey project and I need you to help Fred with that for the next month.”
“Who will do the Barnum work?”
“Don’t worry about that – it’s not as critical as Bailey.”
One month later, the Barnum project is behind schedule and the boss scrambles to find people who can make up for lost time on that one. Of course, he pulls people off their currently on-time projects, which will soon become problems. It doesn’t take long until all their customers are unhappy about the rushed work and poor planning going into their products.

In my office, workers are engineers. Our critical tasks don’t usually scale up well (i.e. more people does not mean quicker resolution). But some managers don’t realize that.

If your manager wonders why it’s bad to send everyone from fire to fire, ask him how he would coach a soccer team.

I thought about what I sometimes do as a dad, and then for some reason I wondered how to make it a competition. If there were Olympic events for dad activities, here are some possibilities:

1. Throwing Height – tossing your 35-lb. child into the air (and catching him). Contestants are ranked by highest toss.

2. Throwing Reps – tossing your 35-lb. child into the air (and catching him). A toss must be at least two feet into the air to count. Contestants are ranked by number of reps.

3. Crib Crawl – You need something that was left under the crib of the sleeping baby. You must open the creaky door, walk to the crib (avoiding any noisy toys scattered on the floor), reach all the way under the crib to retrieve the item, and make your way back out. The child must remain asleep for at least 10 seconds after you shut the door in order for the attempt to count. Contestants are ranked by fastest time.

4. Back Breaker – While standing, you load as many children as you can on your torso (on your back, on your shoulders, in your arms). Each child must be touching only you or another child who is on you. Only your feet may touch the ground. Contestants are ranked by amount of weight carried.

5. Loaded Race – Load a 50-lb. child on your back and carry a 20-lb. child in each arm. Run 100 yards. Contestants are ranked by fastest time.

6. Stroller Push – Load a 30-lb. child in a standard umbrella-type stroller. Push the stroller for up to 10 yards before letting go (before the foul line). Stroller must remain on the track for the push to count. Contestants are ranked by longest distance of stroller travel.

7. Stroller Race – Load a 30-lb. child in a standard umbrella-type stroller. Run for 2 miles while pushing the stroller. At least one hand must be touching the stroller at all times. Contestants are ranked by fastest time.

8. Unloading Race – There are 3 sleeping children (50 lbs, 30 lbs, and 20 lbs) buckled in car seats in a minivan. You must put each one in the correct bed with the correct blanket and teddy bear (all of which are tossed in the back of the minivan). You may unload the children in any order, but you may not unload another child if any child inside the house is awake (you must get him back to sleep first). Contestants are ranked by fastest time.

I was going to make it 10 events (a dadecathlon), but I wasn’t happy with anything else I came up with. Leave a comment if you have any ideas for the final 2 events.