Poor Lance

comic about people protesting because a sign said Freelance Photography

Transcript :
TV Announcer 1: Welcome back to another edition of the Feud Network Challenge
TV Announcer 2: We’re here in Great Barton, where a massive protest has gathered.
TV Announcer 1: That’s right, there are thousands of people here, all chanting “Lance”
TV Announcer 2: Let’s interview one of the protestors.
TV Announcer 1: Sir, what’s going on here?
Protestor 1: Well, I saw the store’s sign about Lance, and I thought that it just wasn’t right what they are doing to him, keeping him locked up and all…
Protestor 2: Wait, here comes the owner of the building. Let’s see what he has to say.
Store Owner: I thank you for your support, but there is no Lance.
Protestor 3: What? We’ve been tricked!
Store Owner: If you want to help, please buy a photo session.
Protestor 4: Hey look! Someone on the other side of town wants to help Lance W. Designer!

The End

So then, some were shouting one thing and some another, for the assembly was in confusion and the majority did not know for what reason they had come together.

Acts 19:32

NFL in April 2012

In the last week or two, we had the announcement of the 2012 NFL schedule. Now that we know who will play whom and when, we can start predicting wins and losses.

I keep my predictions over at Some Fun Site. View results of previous football seasons.

2011 Summary

Last year, I predicted that

  • Kansas City Chiefs = 11-5
  • Minnesota Vikings = 4-12
  • New York Giants = 10-6

How they actually did was

  • Kansas City Chiefs = 7-9
  • Minnesota Vikings = 3-13
  • New York Giants = 9-7

Two of those were close. Not too bad…

Read the rest of this entry »

TMTF Guest Post

Today’s post is not here. It’s over at TMTF. Go read it and leave a comment.

While you’re there, read The Infinity Manuscript. And leave comments on that too, even though I didn’t write it.

I suppose that, technically speaking, nothing on TMTF was written by me – or by Adam – since the monkeys do the actual typing.

I just hope they don’t decide to do any editing.

If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Matthew 5:47

Lollipop Ward

comic about suckers going to the maternity ward to be born every minute

As the saying goes: “There’s a lollipop born every minute.”

The midwives said to Pharaoh, “Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife can get to them.”

Exodus 1:19

Costlier Baby

The last time we had a baby, he cost as much as a good used car. This time, 2 years later, the costs went up about 1 grand – still within the realm of a good used car (or cheap new car). I suppose you could say that the baby was free – it was all the other people who were costly.

One thing that has improved is the timing of the bills. Two years ago, it took months for the hospital and doctors to send me their bills. This time, it took them only weeks.

This post is for all of you who were wondering how much it costs to have a baby these days. And if you weren’t wondering, maybe you are now. And “have a baby” does not mean raise or care for a baby – it means “deliver in a hospital”. And this does not include C-section, which would cost significantly more.

This post also does not list how much I actually paid. I am listing here how much the hospital and doctors charged for the whole thing. They sent those bills to my insurance company, which in turn reminded the hospital and doctors that they had worked out a deal so they will be paying only so much. Of that amount, the insurance paid some and I paid some. And the part that I paid came out of the medical account, which is funded with pre-tax dollars.

Here is the breakdown of the bills:

Wife:
$8000 for the hospital stay
$3000 for the doctor’s services
$1100 for the anesthesiologist (epidural)
$750 for the anesthesia itself (epidural)

Baby:
$2400 for the hospital stay
$255 for the circumcision
$200 for a hearing and wellness check

Total: $15,705 (US dollars)

Having a new child: priceless

Just like last time, it cost $255 more to have a boy than a girl. But I’m still betting I’ll come out ahead (no pun intended) in the long run.

You will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth.

Luke 1:14

Miss Communication

My wife and I don’t always use the same terms to mean the same things. This leads to all sorts of misunderstandings.

  • We disagree on which part of the dishwasher is the “back”.
  • We disagree on which pockets of the diaper bag are the “side” pockets.
  • Subjective terms such as “cold” also lead to confusion.

And that brings me to today’s story: my trip to the grocery store.

I like to take one of the smaller kids to the grocery store in the evening, if needed. It gives the wife a slight break in that there is one less thing she has to do.

The problem comes when she writes something that makes sense to her and it also makes sense to me, but the two senses do not match.

One particular item was a “large bag of sugar”. I look around the shelves, and I grab a large bag. It turns out that it happened to be a 10-pound bag, and the wife was expecting a 5-pound bag. I didn’t even know they made 10-pound bags, so I didn’t bother checking the label – I just tossed it in the cart and went on.

The next time I go to the store and sugar is on the list, she tries to prevent my buying a 10-pound bag of sugar so she writes “small bag of sugar”.

I look around the shelves and find a small bag. All 2 pounds of it. I get home and find out that she wanted the 5-pound bag. I didn’t even know they made 2-pound bags, and neither did she.

It is for those reasons that I call home for clarification during my grocery shopping trips. My goal is not to be the husband who can’t shop for groceries on his own, but I would rather buy the right things than attempt to bolster my pride.

For now though, I go on the easy shopping trips and my wife takes the others.

)You shall not have in your bag differing weights, a large and a small.

Deuteronomy 25:13

A Snitch in Time

comic about Harry Potter and Quidditch and snitches get stitches instead of glue

Transcript:
The Scene: Harry Potter is learning about Quidditch from Oliver Wood
Harry: Oh no! Its wing is broken.
Harry: Quick! Let’s get some glue to fix it!
Oliver: You can’t use glue, you Muggle…
Oliver: Snitches get stitches!

Note:
Please be advised that anyone enforcing the policy of “snitches get stitches” is in direct violation of federal whistleblower laws (see 29 CFR 1960.46) and will be prosecuted.

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

1 Timothy 5:13