Some Blog Site

My Own Skates

My parents took us out for my birthday. We went to dinner and I picked out my present. Since Beta likes to ice skate, I’ve taken him a few times. He has his own skates, but I always had to rent mine.

Until now.

I have my own skates. I don’t need to wait in line at the rental counter. I no longer need to give them my shoes as collateral. And I won’t be worried that I get the rental skates with the one shoelace that’s too short. I am free!

Well, somewhat free. I still have to pay the admission fee.

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Somewhere, in a secret location below the streets of New York, the nation’s telemarketing executives plan their next move…

“The average citizen is on to our plan to disguise our caller ID.”
“They’re not falling for the caller ID where we list just a city anymore.”
“They’re not answering when we block the caller ID so they can’t tell who it is.”
“What can we do?”
“I got it! We can use caller ID to tell them they must answer the phone.”

No, I didn’t answer.

It turned out to be a reminder from the doctor’s office about an upcoming appointment. They must use a calling service that handles a number of different clients, so they keep their caller ID generic – a little too generic I think.

If they had the caller ID display the name of the hospital or doctor’s office, more people would answer. But it’s just a recording anyway, so no one’s offended if you don’t answer.

In summary, we had a recording leaving a recording. Eventually, all the machines will talk to each other and leave the people out of it altogether. That’s fine with me if it means that I don’t have to answer any phones.

I’ve already listed tips to be prepared for a trip to the maternity ward. But what about after the baby has been born? That’s what today’s list will cover.

• Pack a zip-up fleece or warm sweatshirt. And warm socks. They keep those rooms pretty cold. These items are not for you – they are for your wife. And it must be a zip-up shirt thingy. The pullover types do not play nicely with the IV lines.
• Don’t get flowers before you go to the hospital, but do get them before she leaves the hospital. The sooner after the baby is born, the better. One trick is that, since the hospital doesn’t feed the dad, you have to go out and get your own meal. While you’re out getting your food, buy some flowers and bring them back to the room. With some extra fries.
• Make sure your wife has her own pillow. The hospital pillows are not comfortable. If you’re going to sleep on the rocking chair or couch or whatever furniture the hospital has in the recovery room, then make sure you take your own pillow too.
• Don’t forget the baby’s name. This is not a problem for the first child, but I kept calling Delta by Gamma’s name. I have corrected this by calling all my children “Buddy”.

And one more thing:

• Right after the baby is born, it’s best to focus your attention on the baby. Get some pictures, etc. You really do not want to see what the doctor is doing anymore.

Any other things for dads to know about post-delivery?

Some of you may have been wondering how Biggy the fish is doing.

Let me correct that to “how Biggy the fish was doing”.

He lasted about one more week than the other fish, so about two weeks total.

The kids were not distraught at all. They think that’s what fish are for – bring them home and check each day if they’re floating or swimming.

I came home from work one day and was greeted by “He’s floating!” I noted somewhere in my head that I would need to scoop him out and throw him away (I’m not stocking our septic tank with fish).

And then I got distracted by more important tasks

…for a few days.

When Beta asked me why Biggy’s eyes were turning white, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.

So now we are the proud owners of…

And we would like to keep it that way for a while.

Much of the discussion about being socially responsible relates to corporations’ actions. (e.g. “What can this company do to improve its social responsibility?”)

But what about personal social responsibility? Why is that not a larger topic?

Here is a list of some things I see as what a socially responsible person does. I will attempt to instill these in my children as parts of a civilized society. This is just what people are supposed to do. These are not necessarily rules, but I know I would rather live in a community where these were practiced more often than not.

• Look at the person to whom you are speaking
• Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing
• Offer your chair to the elderly (or to a lady if you’re a gentleman)
• Address elders as Mr., Mrs., or Sir, Ma’am
• Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome
• Use a salutation or valediction when meeting or departing from someone (say hello or good-bye)
• Be able to apologize
• Chew with your mouth closed
• Say excuse me when appropriate
• Hold doors open for others
• Find the end of the line and wait in it
• Watch your language
• Ladies should be served before gentlemen
• Offer to help if you see someone in need

In the old days, these things were known as manners or maybe even common courtesy. I guess they fell out of favor and need a new buzzword (i.e. social responsibility) to become popular again.

Some of you may have ignored this post when you saw that the title contains the word flowchart. But that would mean that you’re not reading this, so why am I bothering to explain that?

Here is a flowchart that documents the three possible actions or behaviors of an infant along with the decisions he uses to get to those actions. How does a baby know what to do? Simple – he follows this handy guide.

I do wonder how a baby knows the difference between rocking while standing and rocking while sitting. I contemplate the answer to that question around 3:00 or 4:00 AM, while walking around with the baby. Not only how does he know the difference, but also why he doesn’t like sitting.

Transcript (although it’s hard to type a flowchart in plain text) :
Start
Am I hungry?
Am I being fed?
Am I being held?
Are we walking?
Sleep
Cry
Eat

or, How to Double Your Website Traffic in 3 Easy Steps

This post will tell you how to write a guest post for Stuff Christians Like. Jon Acuff has already listed some hints on what to write in a guest post, but this post is going to tell you some additional details on how to do that.

Steps for Writing an SCL Guest Post

Step 1. Come up with a good idea.
Step 2. Write a 500-word humorous essay on that idea.
Step 3. Email it to Jon (his email is listed in the link above).

It really is that easy, but there are some other details that might help – things I’ve picked up over the years.

Tips for Writing an SCL Guest Post

These tips are not guaranteed to get your guest post published on SCL, but they might help.

1. See if your idea has already been covered in SCL. It’s okay if the topic is the same, but you must write about a different angle.

   For example, Jon and I both wrote about meal-time prayers. But he wrote about which meals deserve prayers and I wrote about the reason for a prayer.

   Same topic + different take on things = different posts.

2. A guest post should be ready to publish. Write it well. If you’re not good with grammar or proficient in proof-reading, then find someone competent to be your editor (your English-major sister, the guy who leaves blog comments correcting things in the post, etc.)

   Yes, Jon will clean the post up a bit, but if he is choosing between your guest post and someone else’s similar guest post, my guess is that he will pick the one that requires less work on his part.

3. Remember that you’re writing for SCL. The audience is there because they appreciate a certain style, so work within the culture of SCL.

   This might not work for all people, but I write my SCL guest posts differently than I write my own posts. Posts for my blog are drier, so I try to be more entertaining in a guest post. Something along the lines of “what would Jon write?”

   But guest post are for variety, so don’t try to mimic him. Which leads to the next point…

4. Don’t add trendy pop culture references just for fun or because you think Jon will like them. If that’s a part of your writing, then fine – go ahead.

   Jon is known to tweak or add things to guest posts, so if he thinks a current topic deserves a cameo in your guest post, he will make it so.

5. After you send it in, just wait and don’t worry. Sometimes he sends a reply the next day. Other times it takes a week or two. It depends on his travel schedule and who knows what else.

   He usually sends a “Thanks for your guest post” reply first, to let you know that he got it. Then, once he knows that he will actually use it, he sends a “I loved it! It will go on SCL in a few weeks” reply.

   If all you ever get is the first email, then your guest post is languishing in purgatory.

6. Type out your website in your email signature. If you just sign your name when you send in your guest post, Jon won’t know that you have a website. Therefore, he won’t provide a link to your site. And that means you won’t get all those visitors.

   Because that is why you’re writing, right? No? You just want to help others? That’s not a very sustainable business plan. (of course I’m joking here. I don’t have a business plan either)

7. If you want visitors from SCL to return to your site, you might want to think about having an update just for them. You could have a new post all set to introduce yourself (and your site) to them.

   I did this the first time, but I don’t bother with this anymore. Maybe if I had a product to sell or a goal in mind, I would do this more.

That’s all I have to share with you today. Help out Jon and write a guest post for him.