Some Blog Site

We picked some blueberries this past weekend. The older kids were responsible enough, but the youngest did not care for the bucket.

So I am proposing a policy for any of the You-Pick places (all of whom seem to have lost the letters ‘Y’ and ‘O’).

Sure, it might not be the best public relations move, but it would help keep profits up.

Read the rest of this entry »

Now that our youngest no longer qualifies as a baby, I’ve thought of some things that would have been nice to have when he was an infant.

Inventions for Parents of Infants

1. One-Way Pant Legs
   
   I can’t even count the number of times that I would get one pant leg on the kicking baby, only to have him work that leg out of the pants while I was trying to get the other leg in. We would go back and forth a few times – this leg in that leg out, that leg in this leg out, etc. – before I could manage to get them both on at the same time.

   If the pants were lined with a directional material, similar to but not as sharp as snakes’ teeth, I would have no problem getting fussy babies dressed.

   The only drawback would be changing them out of the pants. The material would have to be cheap enough to be disposable so that one could cut them off. Single-use, disposable pants. Probably would have to have the diaper built in or something.

2. Non-Contact Thermometers
   
   They have these for industrial use. For example, no one is going to stick any probes in a crucible of molten steel to make sure it is hot enough. But that’s overkill for parents. A squirmy baby does not like having thermometers held under his armpit (or anywhere else, for that matter), and those ear thermometers are touchy too.

   Why not adapt the current non-contact thermometers for use on a child? Kid looks or sounds sick? Zap him from across the room. You just need a clear line-of-sight to his forehead.

   Take care when using the optional laser sight though – you don’t want to damage his eyes.

3. Pacifier Strap
   
   The baby cries because he doesn’t have his pacifier. His pacifier doesn’t stay in his mouth because he’s crying.

   Classic Catch-22.

   Solve that dilemma with a strap of elastic attached to the pacifier.

   Make it decorative elastic, and it can double as a baby girl’s headband.

4. Double-Sided Squeegee Tissue
   
   It doesn’t take a baby long to fear the tissue. You see his runny nose and reach for a tissue. He sees the tissue and prepares for his evasive maneuver. As you approach, he waits. Timing is critical. You apply the tissue then he acts – shaking his head from side to side to ensure that all the facial tissue does is smear the contents of his nose across his cheek, making more of a mess instead of less.

   It might be cost-prohibitive for an item as disposable as facial tissue, but we need a tissue with a squeegee on each end. That way, any mess is kept instead of smeared. And a squeegee needs to be on each side, because you never know which way your baby is going to go (“he always turns to the right in the bottom half of the hour”).

5. Baby Monitor Snooze Button
   
   With our first child, we learned by accident that he could sleep through the night. He was sleeping 3 or so hours at a stretch, which after a few weeks made for some weary parents (i.e. us). One early morning, around 2:00 or 3:00, he starting crying. I was too tired to get out of bed, so I assumed my wife would get him. She was too tired, so she hoped I would get him. Both of us fell back asleep and neither one got him.

   Then we both woke at 5:00 and panicked – “did you get him?” “No, I thought you did.” “Is he okay?” We rushed to his crib and found that he was sleeping peacefully. After that, we let him cry for 10 minutes or so before we would get him during the night. He rarely made it for all 10 minutes.

   So what I recommend to new parents, after the first month, is to get a baby monitor with a snooze button. The baby starts crying, the monitor wakes you. The baby’s cry sounds normal, so you push the snooze button and the monitor goes silent for the next 10 minutes.

   The baby learns to deal with it, the parents get some more sleep, and everyone is better off.

So Johnny Manziel is facing an investigation by the NCAA that he violated rules by selling autographs. If I were his speechwriter, this is what I would give to him for his press conference.

Howdy.

There are many fine college football programs throughout the country, especially Texas A & M. They operate under the governance of the NCAA, whose rules I recently violated. Because of that, I am facing a suspension from NCAA football.

I have decided not to serve the suspension.

The NCAA was organized to protect the interests of student athletes, but as time has progressed the NCAA has evolved into an entity that makes millions of dollars off student athletes while denying them the opportunity to capitalize on their own status.

In short, NCAA football programs are for-profit, minor-league football teams, despite the NCAA’s pretending otherwise.

It is time for the NCAA to update their archaic, confusing, and irrelevant rules. It is time for them to acknowledge the increased demands of today’s student athletes and compensate them – or let them be compensated – accordingly.

To call the NCAA’s bluff, and because I can afford to do so, I am forfeiting my remaining years of eligibility. I will play Arena Football for a year or two, until I and my agent feel I am ready for the NFL.

I hope to open the NCAA’s eyes to the fact that more and more people are tired of their hypocritical regulations. Maybe if enough of us leave the NCAA and play in the equivalent of minor-league teams, we can effect some positive change.

Oh, and there are way too many bowl games. Reduce the number and keep bowl appearances special and meaningful.

God bless, and gig ’em Aggies.

Manziel already has his name recorded enough in history – Heisman trophy winner and all that. But if he really wants to cement his legacy, really wants to make news, he should do something other than accept the NCAA’s punishment. It might appear that he has a bad attitude – “Nobody can tell me what to do, I’m going to take my ball and go home!” – but if he phrases it the right way it could work. He should not compare his effort directly to the civil rights movement of decades ago, as that would be too presumptious (“I’m the Rosa Parks of NCAA football.”)

If, every year, the NCAA is investigating or suspending more and more players for selling either merchandise or autographs or appearances, at what point do they realize they can’t keep the system the way it is? A better analogy than civil rights might be the repeal of the Prohibition. No basic human rights involved, just can’t keep people from doing what they want.

I recent built a potato cannon. For those who remember my post from last month about potato cannon attachments: no, I did not try any of those.

In the past, i.e. before I had 4 kids, I would have taken photos of each step: raw materials, prepared but unassembled parts, partial assemblies, then finished product. But today you aren’t getting any photos. There are plenty of photos and step-by-step instructions already on the Internet. In case you’re wondering – I used the plans from Instructables.

I couldn’t follow the instructions exactly, because the big-box stores didn’t have 3″ solid-core PVC. So I had to go with a 2″ combustion chamber and a 1.5″ barrel. Smaller displacement means less power, but it still worked.

I was somewhat surprised when the potato cannon worked on the first try. Right Guard for the propellant initially. That was noticed by my brother-in-law because that’s what he uses for his deodorant. I told him not to get too close.

After that, I tried WD-40. That didn’t produce any combustion. Maybe my can was too old. So then I tried half Right Guard and half WD-40. That worked pretty well, but I think the Right Guard did all the work and the WD-40 didn’t contribute much.

After about half a bag of potatoes, the cannon started misfiring. One side of the electrode was a bolt with a nut, so it was secure. The other side was held in place by tape. That was not so secure. It wore out, came loose, and the pressure from combustion started coming out the side of the cannon instead of pushing the potato out.

I was going to take the cannon home to add another bolt and nut to fix the problem, but after much spraying of Right Guard and WD-40, the cannon was greasy and smelly. So I left it at my parents’ house.

We decided to add some visual flair to the bathroom.

First, some random stucco on the otherwise-flat ceiling:

Then, to catch people’s attention, some random stucco on the red wall:

Finally, to really make it artistic, some random stucco on the mirror, of all places:

I’m not quite sure I would have chosen to decorate in that manner, but that’s the problem with working with artists – their visions might not mesh with yours.

Here’s the real story: I was shaving and I heard a loud POP. The can of shaving cream was on the floor on the other side of the bathroom, and there was shaving cream sprayed everywhere. As you may be able to tell from the photo, the can was a bit rusty. It’s probably over a year old – growing a beard during the cold months in Michigan will make a can of shaving cream last for a long time.

Shaving cream should come with a disclaimer: discard within 7-10 months of opening.

After we spent a week at Maranatha, we stopped at a submarine museum on the way home. Rather than prolong the Maranatha recap, I decided to separate the sub trip into its own post.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the USS Silversides:

Here is a photo of the whole thing:

Click the photo for full size

Before you get to the submarine itself, you go into the museum to buy tickets. But before you go into the museum, you pass by a play structure. This particular play structure happens to be the turret thingy from a gun boat or old submarine. The kids had fun playing with that.

They might have played longer, but it was a hot, humid day so we urged them into the museum.

Also outside the museum, they had a hedgehog.

The hedgehog being the anti-submarine device. It fires a couple dozen little mines that land in the water in a circular pattern and sink toward the sub. The spread-out pattern and lack of warning made it hard for subs to evade.

The museum was good. It gave an overview of WWII, since that was the time the sub was commissioned. It gave some insights as to the operations of submarines. It was interesting, but we spent more time on the sub itself, which is where we headed next.

Here is some of the family entering the sub. We all went on board. The older two kids liked it so much they went through it twice.

And here is what the control room looks like.

The best part about the whole thing was the warning sign at the entrance to the sub. I regret not getting a photo of it, but it said something to the effect of “This sub is still operational. Do not touch any controls or levers.”

Everyone had a good time there, then we got in the minivan and drove for an hour and a half – long enough for the younger ones to nap. Stopped for dinner at Culver’s, then drove another hour home.

Thus endeth the vacation.