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Madoff is under investigation for $50 billion Ponzi scheme.  My first thought when I heard that was “where did all the money go?  How can one guy lose (or spend) $50 billion?”

Remember, the Ponzi schemes are legal, but only if you are the government.  Then you can call it Social Security and people will accept it.  Civilians are not allowed to setup Ponzi schemes, because the government does not like the competition.

I heard some news stories after the deal, and of course they included the standard warning about “If it is too good to be true, it probably is.”

That gave me an idea about the next big scam.  Now Madoff did well because his returns were not sky-high.  They were on the upper side of average, but the scam clue was that the returns were always positive and in the same range.

Some people, in hindsight, were saying that should have been the tip-off.  That, and his books were not audited by an independent third party.

Anyway, the next big scam should involve some guy who gets returns right around what the market is giving.  The average mutual fund return slightly below the market, so a good scam would go up and down with the market to alleviate the concerns about being too good to be true.

This has the added benefit of better gains for the scammer.  Now he doesn’t have to give back so much of his take in order to appear like a good fund manager.

Of course, if his returns aren’t much different from the market’s, then it might be hard for him to attract investors. Oh well, maybe that’s why I’m not a con man.

Disclaimer: this was written to alert the good citizens of this country to possible scams, not give suggestions to devious scammers.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.”
– Matthew 10:16

Be careful of the trash cans with lids that flip up when you step on the pedal.  I had cut up some cantaloupe and was trying to throw away the remains.  I stepped on the pedal and tilted the cutting board so the remains would slide into the trash can.

But the lid didn’t flip up right away, so, slightly panicking, I stepped harder on the pedal to get the lid to open before the cantaloupe fell.  The timing didn’t quite work out as intended: the lid did open, but it opened as the cantaloupe was falling.  The cantaloupe hit the lid as it was opening, so the lid threw the remains up and back.  They hit the wall and slid down behind the trash can, between the stove and the cabinets, a very inconvenient place to reach.

Christmas is a happy time.  One of our night-time rituals is reading books at bedtime.  I’ll tell the kids to pick one or two books each for me to read to them.  The other night, what “book” am I brought?  The most recent Lego catalog.  So we read each page, skipping the detailed descriptions but hitting all the names of sets and minifigures.  I am sure the kids dreamt well that night.

Then today we got a new Lego catalog in the mail. There is a new series in the Lego world: Power Miners. This series has the premise that geological disturbances are being caused by some new form of mineral, and the Power Miners must thwart this threat! It seems to have taken a while, but the concept of Tiberium has crept into places other than Command and Conquer. There is even a harvester set. Rogue crystals are headed to a toy near you.

Congratulations to the Detroit Lions for their perfect season.  Yes, they went all season without winning a game.  Enough people have given their theories as to what the problem is and what needs to change that I won’t go into that here.

But I will say that the Lions are doing their part for the league.  In order for teams to win, other teams must lose.  The Lions, by going 0-and-16, are selflessly helping the other teams in the NFL by making more wins available.  The Lions already had good draft choices in previous years, so I doubt they were going for that.  So it must be that they just wanted to help.

Contrast that with my college: Cedarville University.  They have not lost a football game since 1953.  I even recall seeing T-shirts with that fact: “Undefeated since 1953”.  As you may have guessed, 1952 was the last time they played a football game.

In case you thought the Lions looked bad, you should look at Cedarville’s 1932 season.  Of particular note are two losses: 89-0 and 137-0.

“I know his fury,” declares the LORD, “But it is futile; His idle boasts have accomplished nothing.”
– Jeremiah 48:30

Here are some recent conversations with our kids:

Three-year-old, holding a piece of paper that was cut out to be a person: “I can’t talk!”
Me: “If you can’t talk, how’d you say that?”
Him: “I don’t know!”

The best part about that conversation was that he had this fake voice, pretending to be the paper guy the whole time.  And he was moving it in front of his face.

On another evening, I was reading a book of farmyard animals to our 3-year-old.  I asked “Do you know what baby pigs are called?”  He answered “No“, so I replied “Piglets.”
The next page had puppies.  I asked “Do you know what baby dogs are called?”  He answered “Doglets“.  He catches on quickly.

Try talking to a 5-year-old when you have the hiccups:
“Pick that up, off the fl-HHHK-oor”
“Daddy, you said ‘fl-HK-oor!‘”
“Please hand me that pa-HHHK-per.”
“Ha-ha, you said ‘pa-HK-per!‘”

It’s Christmas time, and although some things change on radio stations, some things remain the same – like advertisements.

There are plenty of stores and businesses advertising their wares.  But I heard one ad recently that had me wondering why that company was running that ad.

It was for the company that owns the electrical transmission lines – the big wires on the tall metal structures.  This is not the electric company.  I, as a normal consumer, can’t buy their services.  But they are advertising over the airwaves to thousands of people who are meaningless to them.  When I heard their ad, I was curious to know why they were spending money to tell me that it is they who own the high-voltage wires.

At least they improved on the JLTV ads – this company told me what they wanted me to do.  When I see the Christmas lights on their towers, I am to remember them.  That’s what the ad said.  I am to think of them, think of them fondly, when I see their towers.  Maybe not those exact words, but that’s the concept.

I have noticed one tower that had Christmas lights on it, and I did remember who it was who told me it is their tower.  But what effect did my thought at that moment have on their bottom line?

I can imagine that meeting: “Boss, I have a great idea: we’ll run ads and tell people to think of us.  If we get enough people, even though they have nothing to do with our business, that will improve our cash flow and profits through the power of positive thinking!”

I’m sure there is some reason, such as an unfinished quote or a bid on some new business.  But since I don’t know what that is, I will just make fun of the ad.  Or maybe they want you to buy their stock. If so, that’s a very subliminal way to do that.

“Yet the chief cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot him.”
– Genesis 40:23

One of the aspects of marriage is learning about differences in how the other was raised.  For instance, one thing I learned early in the marriage is that you don’t need to refrigerate ketchup.  Everybody I know puts his ketchup in his fridge.  But think about it: no restaurants do.  And nowhere on the bottle does it say “Refrigerate after opening”.  But we keep ours in the fridge because we don’t go through it as fast as restaurants do, and better safe than sorry.

Another item involves the words to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Not the real words, but the extra, unofficial words that you learned as a child in school: “like a lightbulb”, “like Pinocchio”, “like hoofball”, “yippee”, and “like George Washington”.  It’s the part that follows “join in any reindeer games” on which my wife and I disagree.  She insists the words are “like Monopoly” instead of “like hoofball”.

I don’t know what part of Monopoly has to do with reindeer, but it is a common enough phrase in the US.  It seems that “George Washington” isn’t that popular either.  According to my informal survey of websites, more people claim “Columbus” than “George Washington” for the part following “you’ll go down in history”, and most people claim “Monopoly”.  “Hoofball” is obscure.

But how can a reindeer play Monopoly?  They can’t hold the cards!  And the names that Rudolph is called, either Dumbo or Pinocchio?  Why are they always Disney characters?  I sense a lot of stealth marketing, which might be why I prefer hoofball – there’s no one to benefit by promoting hoofball.

If you need more evidence, just look at the letter that Rudolph writes (it’s in section E).  When he discusses the reindeer games that he plays, do you see Monopoly listed there?  No, but you do see hoofball.

“So Moses wrote this song the same day, and taught it to the sons of Israel.”
– Deuteronomy 31:22