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With the NFL draft next week and people getting back into NFL mode for a little bit, I thought it would be fun to predict some possible headlines that Lions fans could see this season.

Lions Spend First Two Draft Picks on Wide Receiver and Running Back
“We are sticking with our policy of drafting the best player available, regardless of need,” stated the team official.

Hanson Extends Streak to 22 Years without Winning at Green Bay
“Don’t feel too bad, no one here knows what it’s like to win there,” a teammate consoled him on the trip back to Detroit.

Due to a Little-Known Rule, Schwartz Unable to Challenge Opponent’s Key Touchdown
NFL admits they like putting in different obscure rules just to see if the Lions can find them.

Suh’s Injuring of Opponent Ruled Accidental
“He will not be fined since he thought he was punching the ball,” stated one league official involved in the review of the incident.

Stafford Sets New Record for Most Yards Gained Without a Touchdown
The stretch of throwing for 3,000 yards while scoring only field goals will probably never be equaled, say analysts.

I realize the Hanson headline doesn’t work now that he has retired, but he wasn’t retired when I wrote it. If it really bothers you, then I guess you could substitute just about any other Lions player for Hanson.

Having recently flown for our vacation, I have some thoughts on various aspects of dealing with Southwest.

Most of the interaction with the company was fine.

• Buying the tickets online – fine
• Calling customer service to add infant without a ticket – fine
• Calling customer service the day before the flight to confirm something – fine
• Checking luggage and getting a boarding pass at DTW – fine
• Checking luggage and getting a boarding pass at LAS – not good

My first recommendation to Southwest – hire more pleasant, more helpful people for the Las Vegas airport

Now for some background on the problem: we did not have a birth certificate for Delta. Southwest wanted documentation that Delta is less than 2 years old.
The first phone call was to add him to my ticket, since I couldn’t buy him a ticket online. The lady on that call said we would need to bring proof of his age, such as a birth certificate, passport, or medical record.
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So we setup a chore chart to list the responsibilities of various family members.

But the kids got ahold of the dry-erase marker and decided to update the chart. If you look closely, you’ll find that

• I get to make lunch and dinner
• My wife gets to eat lunch
• It’s hard to read, but she also gets to give spankings
• Alpha’s only responsibility is to take a bath
• Delta’s job is to make a mess
• Gamma’s job is to get spankings
• Beta’s chore is to play video games for 5 hours

I’ll let you guess who wrote most of the updates.

The Scene: dinner.
Beta: More honey!
Some Wife: No, all you did was lick the honey off the biscuit.

The Scene: I’m looking out the window with Delta
Some Guy: Look at that!
Some Wife: What?
Some Guy: A Bobcat is going down the road
Some Wife, starting to walk over to the window: Really?
Some Guy: Yes, but it’s the small bulldozer kind of Bobcat, not the animal kind of bobcat.
Some Wife, abandoning her trip to the window: Oh, never mind. I thought it was something interesting.
Some Guy: It is!

At least Delta’s with me on this one.

The Scene: Kids’ bedtime
Some Guy: Did you brush your teeth?
Beta: Yes.
Some Guy: Tonight?
Beta: Awww maaaan

Nice try, but you have to brush your teeth tonight.

With toothpaste.

And a toothbrush.

The Scene: I forget
Some Wife, to me: Your eyes are red
Gamma, suddenly interested: Let me see!
Some Guy: Okay
Gamma: There are red hairs in your eyes.
Some Guy: I suppose that’s what bloodshot looks like.

I recently had occasion to be scorekeeper for a kickball game. The usual scorekeeper advised me to have one team’s score on each hand and when the teams switch sides for kicking or fielding, then I was to swap hands so that the hand closest to that team had that team’s score.

It was an easy enough concept, but I have only 5 fingers on each hand so I was hoping for a low-scoring game. My backup plan, if the score went above 5, was to use sign language. I know enough ASL to be able to count to 10 on one hand.

The problem was the final score was 17-16. I had to count to 10 for each team and then I had to start back at one and remember to add 10.

After the game, I got to thinking of how I could have handled each team’s score on one hand. My solution for how to keep score with one hand?

Count in binary, using each finger as a bit.

For 5 bits, the maximum count is 31, so I can now handle a score of up to 31 to 31.

My recommendation is to use your left hand palm-down and your right hand palm-up so that the LSB is on the right, as it should be. I practiced, and I found that although the bits are in correct order if you use your thumb as bit 0, it’s harder to read. I keep my thumbs as bit 4 because I don’t have to move them as much that way.

Here’s a diagram:

The first pair of hands shows the standard binary form. The second pair of hands shows the decimal equivalent, for those familiar with the concept of places. Instead of 10s place, 100s place, 1000s place, etc., we have 1s place, 2s place, 4s place, 8s place, and 16s place.

I haven’t had much training in emergency medical situations, but I did have something back in high school health class. And various bits and pieces of knowledge that I picked up over the years, especially being a parent.

The one piece of advice I remember about burns is this:

Do not put butter on burns!

All my knowledge about what to do with burns consists of that – do not put butter on them. I have no idea what I am supposed to put on burns – I know only what NOT to put on them.

In order to help those of you who have the same problem as I do, I have decided to put together burn kits that you can keep in your house or car or wherever you think you might need them. That way, you won’t have to think about what you are supposed to put on burns – it will be right there for you.

Here is my first prototype:

Like I said, put something that’s not butter on burns, right?