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This is one of the first papers that Alpha brought home from school this year. I’m guessing it was when the teacher was reviewing the rules for the classroom.

I’m glad they start with the basics, although I wonder what rules 1-23 are.

But we discussed this rule at home and we had to amend it, or modify it. Because there are more things on which to stand that aren’t chairs. Like tables, or siblings.

Now in our home, the rule is no standing on anything that’s not the floor.

I reserve the right to update that rule as needed. Because I’m sure they’ll find a way around it (such as “I’m not standing – I’m jumping!”).

Or, How to Clean Your Tub Without Scrubbing

Some of you may recall that we had an iron filter installed.

In case you’re wondering how bad our iron was, you can peruse this photo of our bathtub.

I tried CLR without much success. Soft Scrub seemed to do a little better. No matter what I used, I had to do a lot of scrubbing and it removed much of the staining but not all of it. You may be wondering what the best product is for cleaning rust stains, not only from bathtub but also from sinks and other porcelain fixtures. The answer?
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It’s time for another quiz. Follow the conversation below, then answer the question after. Yes, I realize the topic of the conversation is several months old; just pretend you’re back in March of 2011.

W: Kate Middleton and Prince William have been together for 8 years and they’re getting married in April.
H: How’d they meet?
W: Art class or something
H: Let me guess – she would love him even if he weren’t a prince?
W: Yep.
H: And would you love me even if I weren’t a prince?

Quiz:
What answer should the wife give?
A. Well you’re certainly no prince.
B. I love you no matter what.
C. You’ll always be my prince.
D. Would I what?

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Some of you may have ignored this post when you saw that the title contains the word flowchart. But that would mean that you’re not reading this, so why am I bothering to explain that?

Here are two flowcharts that document how we possibly handle things here in our family. “Things” being the two most commonly-asked questions at dinner: May I be excused? and Can I have dessert?
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I’ll let you in on a secret that the US government doesn’t want you to know.

Babies sleep better on their tummies than they do on their backs.

The government, of course, pushes the Back to Sleep program, which is intended to deprive parents of sleep.

If you want to make the government happy, you put your child on his back in the crib.

If you want the baby to sleep well (so that you can get sleep), you put your child to sleep on his tummy.

The only problem is visit to the doctor’s office. During the check-ups while the baby is an infant, the doctor will ask how the baby is sleeping. This must be required by law or by the medical establishment, because they always ask. But the wording is up to the doctor.

This is one of the differences between an average doctor and a good doctor:
an average doctor will ask if you lay the baby down to sleep on his back, whereas
a good doctor will ask if you are aware of the Back to Sleep program (that babies should sleep on their backs).

Note the difference – the average doctor places you on the defensive (in the spotlight) but a good doctor places you at ease. Because if you’re like us and sleep the baby on his front, how are you to answer?

Plus, a good doctor will already know what you’re doing and won’t need to ask.
Does the baby have a misshapen head? Must be a back sleeper.
Does the baby have a bald spot? Must be a back sleeper.Must be a back sleeper.
Can the baby roll from back to front but not front to back?

You don’t need to directly ask which way the baby sleeps.

We have a good doctor now.

Note: if you want some interesting reading, go learn about the success of the New Zealand mattress-wrapping campaign. That’s a better way of doing things – investigate and then address the actual problem, rather than guess and pick something that opposes basic biological tendencies.

My Own Skates

My parents took us out for my birthday. We went to dinner and I picked out my present. Since Beta likes to ice skate, I’ve taken him a few times. He has his own skates, but I always had to rent mine.

Until now.

I have my own skates. I don’t need to wait in line at the rental counter. I no longer need to give them my shoes as collateral. And I won’t be worried that I get the rental skates with the one shoelace that’s too short. I am free!

Well, somewhat free. I still have to pay the admission fee.

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I’ve already listed tips to be prepared for a trip to the maternity ward. But what about after the baby has been born? That’s what today’s list will cover.

• Pack a zip-up fleece or warm sweatshirt. And warm socks. They keep those rooms pretty cold. These items are not for you – they are for your wife. And it must be a zip-up shirt thingy. The pullover types do not play nicely with the IV lines.
• Don’t get flowers before you go to the hospital, but do get them before she leaves the hospital. The sooner after the baby is born, the better. One trick is that, since the hospital doesn’t feed the dad, you have to go out and get your own meal. While you’re out getting your food, buy some flowers and bring them back to the room. With some extra fries.
• Make sure your wife has her own pillow. The hospital pillows are not comfortable. If you’re going to sleep on the rocking chair or couch or whatever furniture the hospital has in the recovery room, then make sure you take your own pillow too.
• Don’t forget the baby’s name. This is not a problem for the first child, but I kept calling Delta by Gamma’s name. I have corrected this by calling all my children “Buddy”.

And one more thing:

• Right after the baby is born, it’s best to focus your attention on the baby. Get some pictures, etc. You really do not want to see what the doctor is doing anymore.

Any other things for dads to know about post-delivery?