Archive for the ‘Mishaps’ Category

Random Tips for Living, Part 3

Husband Tip:

If you find an empty container of chocolate ice cream in the bathroom trash can, do not ask any questions.

Father Tip:

If you’re teaching your young son about baseball, make sure one of the things he’s taught early on is that to tag a runner, he must be holding the ball – no throwing it at the runner to get him out. Especially if you’re the runner.

Husband Tip:

If your wife writes “LOL butter” on the grocery list, do not audibly laugh at the dairy aisle. People will stare. Instead, just grab some Land O’ Lakes and proceed to the next item.

When my steps were bathed in butter, And the rock poured out for me streams of oil!

Job 29:6

Random Tips for Living, Part 2

Father Tip:

The fruit scales in the grocery store are not meant to hold infants. Even if you really want to know how much he weighs. Hint: the scales in the deli are more stable and more accurate.

Homeowner Tip:

If you forget to sweep food off the dining room floor, and yet the food is gone the next morning – buy some mousetraps.

Father Tip:

If your child yells “Wheeee!” when you drive around corners, you might want to verify that he is buckled in his car seat.

Let Him weigh me with accurate scales, And let God know my integrity.

Job 31:6

Worthless Housecat

A couple of years ago, I accidentally discovered that Tomcat mouse traps are better than d-Con mouse traps.

This weekend, I discovered that Real-Kill glue traps are even worse than d-Con traps. I tried to find a website for the Real-Kill brand so that I could link to it, but I couldn’t. The fine print on the box says that it is distributed by Realex, a division of United Industries Corp., but their website doesn’t claim Realex as a brand. Oh well.

Just so you know why I say to use the Tomcat glue traps: I’ve never had a Tomcat trap that let me down. If a mouse ever visits a Tomcat trap, he’s done.

On the other hand, a mouse can visit a Real-Kill glue trap and not even know anything was wrong:

picture of mouse footprints across a glue trap with missing bait

The peanut butter in the middle of the trap is gone. I assume the mouse enjoyed eating that. And the glue trap’s only accomplishment is recording the footprints of the mouse so I can see where he sat while he ate the bait.

What good is that?

Here’s a photo of the front of the box, so you can know what to avoid:

picture of a box of Real-Kill glue traps

Look how happy that mouse is, sitting on the glue trap. That’s because he knows he’ll be able to leave once the photo shoot is done.

The two key points of the product, according to the packaging:

  • Non-toxic
    Definitely! No harm caused to the mouse at all!
  • Easy Disposal
    Right again! It’s very easy to throw away an empty trap – it’s light and compact!

Once again, I wasn’t planning on writing a review of mouse traps. But I knew I had to post something when I saw mouseprints on the trap.

Note: the glob of peanut butter was missing from the other trap that same night, so I know it wasn’t just one bad trap.

For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence.

Psalm 91:3

Random Tips for Living

Tip for Fathers:

If your kids are supposed to be washing their hands, but instead you hear laughter and shouts of “Silly string! Silly string!” coming from the bathroom, you had better go check on them.

While you are walking there, use that time to compose a stern lecture on the appropriate use of foaming hand soap. Do not start composing a blog post.

Tip for Husbands:

Put the blender away fully assembled after it has been cleaned.

The next person who uses it may assume that it is ready to go and will not be happy when juice starts leaking over the base, table, and herself.

Tip for Nature Hikers:

Do not poke a turtle. If you must poke a turtle, use a stick instead of your finger.

They are not necessarily friendly, nor are they slow. Sure, they might not run very well, but they can move their necks faster than you think.

I was trying to see if I could prompt the turtle to move out of the middle of the road. He was a large turtle, too – bigger than a curling stone. I was glad I chose to poke the back of his shell, because he lunged at me as quickly as he could. He would have jumped too, if turtles could jump. He was glaring at me something fierce, and I could see that he was thinking “you’re lucky this shell is holding me back, buster…”

Tip for Managers:

If you have an employee appreciation event and you hire a DJ for a fun atmosphere, be sure to check the playlist.

I, as an employee, attended a picnic thing for employees, and the song I heard as I approached the hamburgers was “If I Had a Million Dollars”. Since the company was providing this picnic, some people could take that song as mocking. No, of course you don’t have a million dollars – that’s why you have to work here.

And if you are the CEO, do not let people see you singing along to that song.

From it Moses and Aaron and his sons washed their hands and their feet.

Exodus 40:31

No Biggy

Some of you may have been wondering how Biggy the fish is doing.

Let me correct that to “how Biggy the fish was doing”.

He lasted about one more week than the other fish, so about two weeks total.

picture of a dead goldfish floating in a fishbowl

The kids were not distraught at all. They think that’s what fish are for – bring them home and check each day if they’re floating or swimming.

I came home from work one day and was greeted by “He’s floating!” I noted somewhere in my head that I would need to scoop him out and throw him away (I’m not stocking our septic tank with fish).

And then I got distracted by more important tasks

…for a few days.

When Beta asked me why Biggy’s eyes were turning white, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.

picture of a dead goldfish

So now we are the proud owners of…

an empty fish tank.

And we would like to keep it that way for a while.

The fish that are in the Nile will die, and the Nile will become foul, and the Egyptians will find difficulty in drinking water from the Nile.

Exodus 7:18

Birthday Party Warning

Parents of small children will eventually have their children invited over to birthday parties. And those parents will probably be thinking of important questions to ask before the party, such as

  • What time is the party?
  • Do I drop off my child, or am I expected to stay?
  • Who else will be there that my child knows?
  • etc.

Allow me to add one more question to that list, so that you will have a more complete checklist before accepting the invitation:

What live animals will be involved in the party?

Alpha and Beta went to a birthday party, and they won something as prizes for a little game they played.

They won two goldfish.


We went from zero to four goldfish instantly.

picture of goldfish in some glass jars

We had fish before, but not for very long. The bowl has been sitting in the basement for a while (about 3 years now), so I rinsed it out and put the new fish in it.

The older two kids are somewhat excited about the fish, at least enough so that they ask whose turn it is to feed the fish.

Beta named his two fish “Biggy” and “Mediumy”.

picture of goldfish in a bowl

The only problem is that the fish are not very hardy. It’s not really a problem to us parents because we didn’t invest much in the fish, and we don’t expect much out of them. I think the kids remember from last time that fish are quite temporary. They won’t be heartbroken either.

We started out with 4 fish.
The next day, we were down to 3 fish.
Two days later, 2 fish.
A week, 1 fish.

At this rate, we’ll be out of fish by Thursday.

Oh, and my wife informed the giver-away of the goldfish that we will be giving away kittens to her kids next time.

He turned their waters into blood
And caused their fish to die.

Psalm 105:29

Things Not to Say to a Toddler

The title should explain everything you need to know for this post.

“That ink stamp looks yummy!”

picture of a tongue stained by an ink stamp

“What’s inside your nose?”

picture of a finger in a nose

“Here’s some markers and some paper. I’ll be back later.”

picture of marker scribbles on a hand and a knee

For man is born for trouble, As sparks fly upward.

Job 5:7