Sober Drinks

I was enjoying my lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings last week, when my pleasant experience was interrupted by bad English.

No, not the band. Bad English in this case was a poorly-written menu.

picture of part of the Buffalo Wild Wings lunch menu

Look at the phrase “alcoholic free lemonades”. Initially I was going to point out that your lemonade will not contain any drunk guys. And that’s still a valid point. I would prefer the term “alcohol-free lemonades” or “non-alcoholic lemonades”.

But “alcoholic free lemonade”? At least put a hyphen in there and make it “alcoholic-free lemonades”. As it is, it implies that if you are drunk, you get a free lemonade.

And it was at that point, when I was pondering the thought of free drinks for alcoholics, that I noticed there was a charge for the upgrade.

A-ha! The drink isn’t free – it costs you $0.75.

But wait – here’s your bonus section, it’s like two posts in one – it’s not really $0.75. It’s not even 75 cents. It is 0.75¢: 3/4 of a cent.

Noooooo! Menu writers of the world, please learn the difference between dollars and cents!!!

Otherwise, some wiseguy is going to come into your restaurant, give you a penny, and ask for a side salad. And legally, he’s right. You are offering (advertising) a side salad for .99¢

And you must fulfill the terms of your advertisements.

Look, I can substitute Buffalo Chips for half a penny.

I think boycotting BWW would be the wrong action here. I think the right action would be that everyone should go there and take advantage of their offers.

Bring a copy of the Federal Trade Commission Act which states that advertising must be truthful and non-deceptive, just in case they complain that they really meant whole cents not decimal cents.

Go to BWW and demand a side salad for 99/100 of a penny.

And ask for change.

But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

2 Timothy 4:5

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This little article thingy was written by Some Guy sometime around 6:06 pm and has been carefully placed in the Marketing category.

8 Responses to “Sober Drinks”

  1. Charity Says:

    I think we’re going there this week because they are donating a percentage of sales one night to our hockey association. I might order an alcoholic free lemonade for 3/4 of a penny. Just for kicks. Or maybe if I pay a full cent they’ll throw in some alcohol.

  2. js Says:

    There’s a contracts law principle that says you can’t take advantage of an obvious unilateral mistake. So despite your acceptance of their offer, it wouldn’t be enforceable.

    See, e.g., http://www.boyesturner.com/news-article.html?id=1094.

  3. Rach Says:

    this is hilarious. you should send this into Jay Leno for his monday night “headlines”

  4. erin Says:

    Hmmmm, maybe I should have you proof-read everything I write. You two are probably cringing every time you read a post.

  5. Arby Says:

    I’ll wait for your report on how that works out.

  6. Burrill Says:

    Who let the lawyer comment?

  7. Tree Quote •• Some Blog Site Says:

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  8. Actual Size •• Some Blog Site Says:

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