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Summer is about over, which means my window for reading books is closed. So it is time for me to review the books I read and let you know what I thought of them.

Here they are, approximately in the order that I read them. Note: I noticed that all the books published before the year 2000 had authors with initials: G.K., C.S., H.G. I don’t know what that signifies, but it was interesting.

• Tentacle by Roland Smith
  This was an incomplete book – it needs the rest of the trilogy to be satisfying.

  It is book 2 of a trilogy. To put it another way, it is the middle section of one long story that has been split into 3 books for marketing purposes.

  I read it because Alpha checked it out of the library and I wanted to know what he was reading.

  The book looks to be a sea monster type of book, for the book cover shows a huge tentacle reaching out of the ocean. It seemed to convey “horror story” with that illustration, so I approached the book warily.

  The cover was slightly misleading, as the story involves the search for the giant squid, not a squid who terrorizes boats and beach-goers.

  The story was fine, although the beginning part mentions a severed human head. I thought that was a bit rough for a 4th/5th grader to be reading, but then I considered it a bit more:

  Would I have any problem if he were reading Treasure Island instead?
  No, no problem.
  Could I reasonably expect there might be a severed head in that story, or maybe other depictions of harm?
  Yes, that would not be out of place.
  So then, “severed head” is okay in classic literature but not okay in newer stories?
  Yes, I suppose so.

  So in the end, I had to admit to myself that it should not be a problem.

  I’d say 3rd grade on up is fine for this series. But if your child is interested in this series, try the old Tom Swift series first.

• Peak by Roland Smith
  Apparently my son was on a Roland Smith kick, because he checked this one out too. So I read it.

  It was an engaging story, but with some questionable items.

  The phrase “I was conceived” occurred near the beginning of the story. Why it’s in the book is one thing, why the mom of the 14-year-old in the story felt the need to tell him where he was conceived is another matter. Not everyone needs to know everything there is to know.

  I guess that was my biggest issue with the book. Most of the rest of it was about mountain climbing.

  Also, do any protagonist kids in any current books come from intact families?

  Ages 10 and up.

• Why Gender Matters by Dr. Leonard Sax
  The only non-fiction book in my list. If you are involved in parenting or education, you should read this book. There are a couple of chapters that could be skipped, but the chapter titles are clear enough so that you won’t be surprised by the content.

  Really, you should read this book.

  Not a book for kids.

• The Dead in Their Vaulted Arches by Alan Bradley
  Ah, the final installment of the Flavia de Luce series.

  Of the 6 books in the series, this was one of the better-told stories.

  That being said, I noted a couple. One, the book mentions that glass is a liquid. Two, the book mentions dripping coming from melting dry ice.

  It is a common misperception that glass is a liquid. In any other type of book, I could gloss over that. But this is a book whose protagonist is an expert chemist. Maybe Mr. Bradley wrote the book too authentically, using the prevailing knowledge of the day (1950s) rather than today.

  And as far as dry ice melting and dripping, that’s even worse for a book that describes chemistry so well. Maybe Mr. Bradley meant that when the dry ice warmed, the objects it was keeping frozen started to thaw and water dripped from them. Because dry ice doesn’t melt. It sublimes. Or sublimates. Goes straight from solid to gas.

  The book has a solid ending, a definite conclusion. It leaves a crack open for another series, but just barely.

  My problem with the ending was that
  Spoiler Alert
  people other than Flavia solved the mystery just ahead of her. In the other books, Flavia solved the mystery first and then we got a chapter or so of her explaining to the investigators how she did it.

  In this case, the investigators and police solve it (Flavia does too, independently, but not before the others) but we never get an explanation of how they solved it. We know how Flavia solved it, because that was described in the story. Oh well.
  End Spoiler Alert

  Not a book for kids. Teens maybe.

• The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton
  I had heard great things about this book, so I started with high expectations (not Great Expectations, as that would be confusing). And perhaps that’s why I found this book disappointing.

  I didn’t have a problem with the writing or with most of the story. It was the ending chapters that lost me. They didn’t make sense. I mean I understood the words I was reading and what was happening, but I got the impression it was an allegory for Something Deep and Profound and I wasn’t catching on like I should. In other words, it ceased to be entertaining and began being confusing.

  And then, at the very end, it was all for naught.

  I don’t know – high school and up?

• Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis
  I had heard great things about this book, so I started with high expectations (not Great Expectations, as that would be confusing). And perhaps that’s why I found this book disappointing.

  I didn’t have a problem with the writing or with most of the story. It was the ending chapters that lost me. They didn’t make sense. I mean I understood the words I was reading and what was happening, but I got the impression it was an allegory for Something Deep and Profound and I wasn’t catching on like I should. In other words, it ceased to be entertaining and began being confusing.

  Yes, I copied and pasted this review from the previous review. Because they both had the same effect on me. My recommendation is to read Book 1 of Till We Have Faces and skip Book 2. If you’ve seen the musical Into the Woods, it’s like that. Watch the first half, and leave at intermission – you’ll be much happier that way.

• War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
  I read this only because Alpha picked it up at a book sale and was reading it. Being a classic, it should have been fine for him, so I didn’t read it until after he did. He liked it so much he went to the library and checked out a collection of 7 books by H.G. Wells.

  There are some depictions of violence and mayhem, so ages 10 and up maybe, depending on your child’s sensitivities. Do not give this book to a child who is prone to nightmares. But Alpha has never complained of having nightmares I guess we’re good.

• The Island of Dr. Moreau by H.G. Wells
  Based on some reviews of this book and what I remember of the previews of the movie that was made some years back, I was expecting this one to be a bit more terrifying than War of the Worlds.

  But it was not.

  The descriptions of violence are a little more graphic, but they involve animals instead of humans, so the overall squeamishness level is about the same.

  If your child can handle War of the Worlds, he can handle this book.

I recall some of the parenting advice I read before I had kids. One particular piece of advice was “Make your kids feel more involved in the family by allowing them to make some decisions.”

At first glance, it seemed reasonable enough: let them make some unimportant decisions, such as what color shirt to wear, etc. and they’ll be happier. I don’t know if people are still dispensing that advice, as I haven’t been paying attention to the baby and toddler stuff much anymore.

It might work for some people, but be very careful with it. Limit the decisions.

Your job as a parent is to be in charge.

Your child’s job is not to be in charge.

Who is in charge? The person making the decisions. Each decision you let your child make reduces your authority. That is not what you want.

And the more decisions the child makes, the more decision the child expects to get to make. Do you as a parent want the child to think that he gets to provide his input on any decision or matter? If you go overboard on allowing your child to make decisions, you will be frustrated by a child who thinks that everything is negotiable.

You don’t want to turn your adult child out into the world with no decision-making experience, so I’m not saying never ask for your child’s input. But start it when they are ready for responsibility, maybe late grade school. Otherwise you’ll be arguing with your kids. “Alright, 8:00, time for bed.” “But I want to go to bed at 9:00.” “I didn’t ask what you wanted, I said it’s bedtime.” Oh, but you did ask what he wanted. Maybe not this time, but many times before. He is used to your asking what he wants, why should this decision be any different?

When the child is young, explain why he gets to make this decision. “Okay, it’s your birthday, so you get to choose the dessert.” That way he knows that his getting to make a decision is a special event, not a common occurrence.

Going back to the original premise: if kids don’t get to make decisions, then how will they feel like they belong in the family?

By being part of the family.

By doing things the family does.

By having things expected of him.

By having parents who care for him.

Which child is going to feel more involved in the family: the one who gets to decide what he has for dinner that night, or the one whose parent reads him a book at bedtime?

Spend time with your child, have conversations with your child, do things with your child. But don’t feel like you need to abdicate your decision making to him.

Welcome to the first annual National Insult a Stranger Day.

To celebrate this day, you need to find someone you don’t know, discover his take on any given topic, then insult him for having that opinion.
Or insult him for existing.
Or because you don’t like his name.

“But wait!” you may say. “Isn’t that just a normal day on the internet?”

Yes, yes it is.

And that is kind of my point – to show the need for a National Be Nice to Someone on the Internet Day.

Although I’m not sure if the official day of observance is August 20 or March 4. Maybe it could be both?

(Bonus points if your first thought was “It should be every day.”)

This Public Service Announcement is brought to you in part by my commute.

What’s wrong with this picture? And what’s right with it?

We will come back to that. First, though, let’s look at this photo.

By the way, all photos are courtesy of my dash cam.
(more…)

This was indirectly inspired by a recent post about things learned from Visionary Family Ministries.

Women, here is a tip to help you when speaking to your husband: don’t insult him.

I know that sounds obvious, but you might not know you’re insulting him.

Let me give an example.

Let’s say Dear Husband is working on a project. Maybe it’s changing the car’s oil. Maybe it’s replacing the kitchen faucet. Maybe it’s installing a sprinkler system. Doesn’t really matter, other than it’s something that, when it’s done, he can say he accomplished it.

Now let’s say you see him working on said project, and you want to be helpful, so you ask him if he needs any help.

That was the insult.

I know you meant well, but just don’t ask or say anything about needing help.

If you are worried about his safety, then stay nearby (but out of harm’s way) so he can ask for help once he realizes he needs it.

If you have seen The King and I, then you may be familiar with the concept of letting the king (or husband – those terms are interchangeable, right?) think he thought of an idea that you led him to.

In summary: if a guy wants to do something, let him accomplish it on his own.

Also, results are not guaranteed. Your mileage may vary. Some guys might like being asked if they need help, as if they are still kindergarteners.

The exception – the only time you can offer help – is if the help is one of his children. If you say “Little junior wants to help. Is there anything he can do?” then he will find a way to need help. Even if it is just handing him that wrench.

This is the follow-up to the previous blog post about our week at Maranatha, mainly more information about Visionary Family Ministries.

If I could sum up the teaching of the week in one paragraph in my own words, it would be this:

You are a pastor.
You have a congregation.
How are you leading and teaching them?

Now to use his words, paraphrased.
“For most of history, discipleship and religious teaching was family-centered and church-supported. In the last 100 years, it has switch to be church-centered and family-supported, leading to weakened faith.”
“The family is God’s plan for small-group ministry, the primary tool for evangelism.”

Now back to regular bloggy writing:
From my summary, above, you have a congregation. In my case, it’s a congregation of 5 – a wife and 4 kids.

Who is responsible for their spiritual development?

Not the head pastor. Not the youth pastor. Not anyone in the church organization.

The husband/father is.

If, in an average week, you are doing nothing to promote spiritual growth in your wife and/or kids, then you need to start. Make a plan and start small.

Of course, Visionary Family Ministries is a good place to start

Other Things I Noted During His Sessions
I have heard sermons preached on Ephesians chapter 5 before – the roles of husband and wife. But Rob Rienow’s exposition of it was the first I can recall that gave the Why behind each command. It made sense the way he explained it.

Women must be careful with criticism. “If a man decides that you can’t be pleased, then he will stop trying.” Applies to her dealings with kids as well as husband.

“Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” is a familiar verse, but misapplied. It is not a cause-and-effect that applies to individual people – the you in there is plural. It is a promise to the nation, society. When kids don’t honor their parents, families break down. When families break down, society breaks down. When society breaks down, it doesn’t last long in the land. That’s what the verse means.

In conclusion, Rob Rienow is a great speaker. If you get a chance to hear him at an event, go. If you don’t get a chance, you can order the DVD set and have almost the same effect.

People often ask us “How do you keep your house clean with 4 boys?”

Answer: we don’t.

Sure, our house gets cleaned, but it doesn’t stay clean.

Exhibit A

Here we have the upstairs landing/play area. If you want to get to the closet (back left, out of the photo), you have to make your way carefully through the Lego minefield.

You’ll notice there are a couple of spots cleared for feet, but not many. And if you are carrying anything large to or from the closet, your best bet is to shuffle your feet to plow through the Legos.