This is Alpha, the first-born, when he was 2YO.
This is Beta, the second-born, when he was about 2YO.
This is Gamma, the third-born, when he was about 18MO.
You’re Mocking Me, Aren’t You?
Apr
4
2013
I will also laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when your dread comes,
Proverbs 1:26
Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Burn Kit
Mar
28
2013
I haven’t had much training in emergency medical situations, but I did have something back in high school health class. And various bits and pieces of knowledge that I picked up over the years, especially being a parent.
The one piece of advice I remember about burns is this:
Do not put butter on burns!
All my knowledge about what to do with burns consists of that – do not put butter on them. I have no idea what I am supposed to put on burns – I know only what NOT to put on them.
In order to help those of you who have the same problem as I do, I have decided to put together burn kits that you can keep in your house or car or wherever you think you might need them. That way, you won’t have to think about what you are supposed to put on burns – it will be right there for you.
Here is my first prototype:
Like I said, put something that’s not butter on burns, right?
But if the bright spot remains in its place and has not spread in the skin, but is dim, it is the swelling from the burn; and the priest shall pronounce him clean, for it is only the scar of the burn.
Leviticus 13:28
Worst Piñata Ever
Mar
21
2013
This post was inspired by a radio commercial. I forget which company it was or what they were trying to sell. It said something along the lines of “hitting a hornet’s nest like a piñata”.
Now available on T-shirts! Go buy some Worst Piñata Ever merchandise on Printfection.
Moreover, the Lord your God will send the hornet against them, until those who are left and hide themselves from you perish.
Deuteronomy 7:20
Chimpansy
Mar
14
2013
Just don’t call him that to his face.
Like a flower he comes forth and withers. He also flees like a shadow and does not remain.
Job 14:2
Don’t Listen to Them
Feb
21
2013
Transcript:
Council Meeting
Tonight at 8:00
All in favor, say “Aye”
“”
All opposed, say “Neigh”
“Neigh!”
The proposal does not pass.
Meeting adjourned.
Ever since the horses got on the council, nothing ever passes
They’re just a bunch of neigh-sayers.
All the elders and all the people said to him, “Do not listen or consent.”
1 Kings 20:8
Miscommunication
Feb
14
2013
Here is a special edition of SBS, just for Valentine’s Day. Sometimes you’re not on the same page as your significant other. Sometimes it’s hard to know what the other is thinking. Or even saying.
Transcript:
The scene: a couple is holding hands, gazing at a pine tree.
Girl (out loud): I love you.
Boy (to himself): She loves yew? But that’s not even a yew – it’s a spruce.
Boy (to himself): Maybe she just wants to talk about things we like. I know! I’ll tell her my favorite band.
Boy (out loud): I love U2.
Surely you have spoken in my hearing,
And I have heard the sound of your words
Job 33:8
Careful Driving
Jan
24
2013
Transcript:
Officer: I’m pulling you over for reckless driving.
Driver: It’s true I haven’t had any accidents…but I didn’t expect a commendation.
Officer: Commendation? No! It’s a ticket.
Driver: A fine? For not having any wrecks?
Officer: No, for reckless driving.
Driver: Right, wreckless driving.
Driver: Just what is “reck” anyway?
Officer: ?!?
Driver: I mean, I know what a wreck is and why I don’t want one.
Driver: But why do I want more reck?
Officer: They don’t pay me enough for this.
Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, as some, letters of commendation to you or from you?
2 Corinthians 3:1
