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Based on the popularity existence of last year’s article predicting bowl games in haiku form, I present to you this year’s all-haiku bowl game predictions. Still America’s only all-haiku college football bowl game predictions.

These are listed in order of date (earliest first). Some picks are whom I think will win, and some picks are whom I want to win. I’ll leave it to you, the reader, to decide which is which.
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Proposed Rule Changes for the NFL

• Calling a timeout just before a field goal attempt will cost the team 5 yards. No one likes the attempts to ice the kicker. If you try to ice the other team’s kicker, you will make his attempt easier.
• A player who causes an injury via foul play are suspended for as long as the injured player is out. Players can be injured on accident, but those are not subject to this rule. For this rule, if you are flagged for a personal foul and the other player is injured, you can’t play again until he does. If that is a play or two, or a few games, you are done for that time. Play nicely.
• Celebrations are allowed only on first downs or scores for offense or turnovers or tackles for loss or stops on 3rd down for defense. Any other instances will be flagged for excessive celebration. You need to accomplish something in order to celebrate it.
• Centers will be held to the same standards as everyone else regarding false starts. No more jerking around and pointing after you are in position. Do not turn into the NBA, where travelling is allowed as long as you dunk. Let the quarterback call the audibles – you stay still until the snap.

Noticeably absent from this list is a modification to the Coach’s Challenge System (CCS, remarkably close to the equally popular (meaning, not popular at all) BCS). Plenty of other people are calling for an overhaul of the challenge/review system, so I’ll let them worry about that.

A little bit late, but it’s appropriate for today, the one-week anniversary of the Lions’ being denied a review of the Houston touchdown that should not have been.

Transcript:
The scene: Forsett Middle School, in the cafeteria
Refs: Hmm… Which lunch table?
Ref: I think we should sit over there
Jim Schwartz: I, too, think you should sit there.
Ref: Just because you said so, we are not going to do that
Jim Schwartz: Come on, guys!

I watched the Sunday night football game of the Pittsburgh Steelers versus the Baltimore Ravens. I am not a Steelers fan, so I don’t know when or how they choose to wear their regular uniforms or their striped uniforms. But I do know this: those striped uniforms are distracting.

Here is what most of America saw that night – views like this:

But here is what I saw:

Whenever they wear those uniforms, I will call them the Pittsburgh Bumblebees.

About a year ago, I wrote this post comparing Ohio State’s football coach to Adam Sandler.

I still think it was a good likeness:

After watching some more football last weekend, I thought I would try a couple more separated-at-birth photos.

Exhibit A:

In case you’re wondering, that is Bret Bielema (head coach of the Wisconsin Badgers) and Al Bundy (of Married…With Children fame).

Exhibit B:

And that is Mike Smith (head coach of the Atlanta Falcons) and Steve Martin (of Father of the Bride movie fame)

Any other coaches who resemble actors?

Now that I have almost recovered from the Grand Rapids Marathon, here are some of my thoughts from that day.

Food

I brought stuff to eat during the race. I was planning on carrying them until I ate them, but I read the race pamphlet and saw that the aid stations provided food in addition to water and Gatorade. And not just any food – the Grand Rapids Marathon takes care of you with pretzels, bananas, orange slices, Gu packets (maybe not a food, but good anyway), pickle juice, and Oreos. Not all at every aid station, but about half the aid stations had one food item.

My favorite was the Oreos at mile 22. Although probably just about anything would have tasted good at that point, other than pickle juice.

The pretzels were actually the worst, because they are so dry. I ate the first pretzel without any water. Not only does it dry out your mouth, but the pretzel flakes go down your windpipe too easily. Make sure you eat pretzels with water, like take a mouthful of water and then eat the pretzel.

Workers

My favorite aid station worker was a boy about 12 years old who was handing out Gu (mile 12.5-ish). Most of the other Gu-ers were calling out “Blackberry Gu!” as they should have, but this kid exceeded expectations by calling out “Blackberry Gu! I tried it myself and it’s not too bad!”

As a side note: we do appreciate knowing what you are handing out. Sometimes I want water and sometimes I want Gatorade, depending on what I ate just before that aid station. Race volunteers, please remember that you can’t announce your item enough. Keep calling out what you’re handing out.

My second favorite aid station worker was a guy who I would guess was a college student. Everyone else was calling out “Water!” but he was calling out “The Wettest Water!” Of course, I took a cup from him instead of the other guys.

Music

Start-line music is also important. The GRM did not have music for the start, that I remember, but they were playing “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers when I came to the starting chute about 15 minutes before the gun. I commend them for their choice in songs.

Some other races play “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen. I’m not much of a fan of that song, so I appreciate when races play something other than that.

During the race, maybe around mile 8, there was someone playing “The Distance” by Cake. That was a good one to have.
“He’s going the distance.”
Well, I’m certainly planning on it
“He’s going for speed.”
That might be stretching it a little there, Cake
“He’s all alone”
That’s funny, considering as I’m trying to weave my way through this pack of runners
“All alone, in his time of need”
I don’t feel needy, but okay.
And then we turned a corner and I didn’t catch the rest of the song.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs

The “Worst Parade Ever” sign was clever when it first started, but I think it has lost its luster now. Jumped the shark, as they say. I lost count of how many “Worst Parade Ever” signs I saw. And I felt bad for the people who brought them, because they did at least go to the effort of making a sign and spectating at a marathon.

There were also too many “Run Like You Stole Something” signs. First of all, if I stole something, I would not be following a marked course. Secondly, I would not be running back to the place I started. Thirdly, I would not be wearing a highly-visible number which identifies me. And finally, it should be obvious from my empty hands and lack of bags that I am not carrying anything which could be construed of having been stolen.

My two favorite signs were “Motivational Sign” and “You All Smell Bad”. I think both were held by kids, for what that’s worth. But next year, if I see two dozen “Motivational Sign” signs, it will drop in my estimation.

My third favorite sign was “Go, random stranger, go!”. I almost replied “Thank you, random spectator”.

If you are running and you want random spectators to cheer for you, wear a shirt with a slogan or logo that is easily read. At one point, around mile 9, I was running near a guy with a Calvin College shirt. He got a few “Go Calvin!” cheers.

My Times

I ran the first half with no problems – got to the halfway point at 1:52. Then I had to stop and stretch because my legs were tightening up and I didn’t want them to actually cramp like they did at the Holland Half.

I had kept George Bush in my sights until then, but I let him go when I stopped. I ran okay after that, but my pace dropped to 9-minutes miles for a couple of miles, then 10-minute miles for a couple of miles. I knew things were not going so well when Will Ferrell passed me, around mile 19.

I made it to mile 20 (at exactly 3 hours) without walking, but at that point I had to stop and stretch and walk because my leg muscles were not cooperating anymore. After mile 20, I walked then ran then walked then ran – a half mile here, a quarter mile there, to that aid station, to that mile marker.

Then P. Diddy passed me at time 3:50. I could only watch as they jogged happily by me. The next celebrity would be Oprah. I walked and ran and stopped and stretched and repeated, keeping a close eye on my watch to make sure I would stay in front of Oprah.

I got to mile 25 and figured I should be able to run 1.2 miles. So I did.

First hour: 7 miles
Second hour: 7 miles
Third hour: 6 miles
Fourth hour: 3.5 miles
Last 24 minutes: 2.7 miles

I finished in 4:24, which is a per-mile pace of 10:04. I did the first half at an 8:30 pace, and I was hitting each mile consistently. Then I did the second half in 2:32, which is a pace of 11:36.

Maybe I’ll stick to half marathons.

Not much of a post today, as I am recovering from yesterday’s Grand Rapids Marathon. But I will collect my thoughts of the event and post them for you tomorrow.

In the meantime, here are the race results. You’ll have to select an age group if you want more information than just the top finishers.
And here is the FAQ for the race.
And here are the pace teams for the race.

I recommend you start with the FAQ and then go to the pace team page. Go to the race results only if you care.