Archive for October, 2012

Let’s Use Words

Pretty much all the road signs used to be words that people could read. Then, for a variety of reasons such as accommodating the illiterate, the non-English speakers, and the hard-of-sight, road signs began to be produced with no words – just symbols.

However, symbols can be more ambiguous than words. Here are some of the most interesting road signs, according to me:

Warning: Striped Cigarette Nearby

road sign showing a pictograph of pavement ends and dirt road begins

This is supposed to mean that the pavement ends and the road turns to dirt. That is not the first thing I think when I see this sign.

Warning: Two Lanes Become Closer Together

road sign showing a pictograph of one lane getting closer to the other lane

This is supposed to mean that the right lane ends and only the left lane continues, so the driver is supposed to merge into the left lane. But does this sign really show that? No! At the bottom of the sign are two lanes, and at the top of the sign are two lanes. Nowhere does the one lane merge into the other lane. I find this sign to be especially misleading.

Warning: Stop Sign is in That Direction

or

Warning: Stop Sign is Rising

road sign showing a pictograph of stop sign ahead

True story: when these signs first started appearing, I actually stopped at them because I was so well trained to stop at a red octagon. When I realized that it was a “stop ahead” sign, not a stop sign itself, I became annoyed at them. I still don’t like them. And almost as bad as these signs are the “AHEAD STOP” warnings painted on the road itself.

Your adversaries have roared in the midst of Your meeting place; They have set up their own standards for signs.

Psalm 74:4

Not a Real Flower

photo of a collie dog

+

photo of a daisy

=

photo of collies arranged as petals of a flower to make a collieflower (pun of cauliflower)

and in the lampstand four cups shaped like almond blossoms, its bulbs and its flowers.

Exodus 25:34

Penny Phrases

With the demise of the penny in Canada, the penny is surely doomed here in the US. It is just a matter of time before it is discontinued.

But once the penny is gone, there are a lot of phrases that won’t make sense. So here, without further ado, is my list of updated phrases to be used when the penny is no longer legal tender.

  • “I’m giving my 10-cents’ worth.”
  • “A nickel saved is a nickel earned.”
  • The Beatles‘ song would have to be re-released as Nickel Lane
  • People would wear nickel loafers.
  • Small wind-up cars would be nickel racers.
  • Maranatha will have their nickel fair.
  • “Nickel wise, fiver foolish.”

Would Nickelback then be promoted to Dimeback?
What would happen to penne pasta?
Any other phrases?

A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

Mark 12:42

End Times – 2012

With the end of the world pending, I figured I should express my thoughts on some of the misplaced accusations of who or what is the anti-Christ.

What prompted this thought was the discovery that some people are opposed to Social Security numbers because they could be the mark of the Beast.

My criticism of that view is that it is limited to people in the United States only. I doubt that the events described in Revelation will be confined to the middle of North America.

Plus, I find anti-Christ predictions to be on par with predictions of the day of the rapture – useless at best and detrimental to Christian testimony at worst.

So let’s end the debate about what the mark of the Beast is or who the anti-Christ is.

Because it’s obviously Facebook.

And he causes all, the small and the great, and the rich and the poor, and the free men and the slaves, to be given a mark on their right hand or on their forehead,
and he provides that no one will be able to buy or to sell, except the one who has the mark, either the name of the beast or the number of his name.

Revelation 13:16-17

Not Camouflage

pun picture of camouflage camel to make something camel-flage

pun picture of camouflage camel to make something camel-flage

pun picture of camouflage camel to make something camel-flage

Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening; and he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, camels were coming.

Genesis 24:63

Words with Gamma

Here are some of the conversations with gamma that I have collected over the last few weeks. Enjoy!

The Scene: Gamma cannot be still and appears to have a full bladder.
Some Guy: Do you need to go potty?
Gamma: No, my knees are just dancing.

The Scene: My neck was sore from too many children grabbing onto my neck as they jumped on my back whenever I sat or knelt.
Gamma (about to jump on my back): Does your neck hurt?
Some Guy: Yes
Gamma: Okay, I’ll just grab your shoulders!

The Scene: Way past bedtime. We are trying to persuade Gamma to go to sleep.
Gamma: I’m still awake because my eyes can’t stay shut

The Scene: Gamma is coughing and we have just decided that he is not going to church.
Gamma: I want to go to church because I will cover my mouth. That’s why I want to go to church.

The Scene: The wife is at the fridge and Gamma is nearby. I walk into the kitchen and my wife has a question.
Wife (to me): What was I going to add to the grocery list?
Gamma: Ice cream and popsicles!

The Scene: I just told Gamma that he should not eat the hot pepper because it is spicy.
Gamma: I will blow the hot off the pepper. Then it will be a cold pepper. No, then it will be warm after I blow on it.

The Scene: We are getting ready to watch Shaun the Sheep. There is an episode with a swamp monster. It is meant to be silly, not scary, but it starts with scary music so the boys call it “the scary one”.
Gamma: I want to watch the scary one.
Some Guy: Oh, I don’t
Gamma: Why not?
Some Guy: It’s too scary.
Gamma: You can go away from the scary part…
Some Guy: Hmm?
Gamma: And they stay in the TV…
Some Guy: ?
Gamma: The scary guy can’t come out where we are
Some Guy: That’s, umm, good to know.

Now in a like exchange—I speak as to children—open wide to us also.

2 Corinthians 6:13

Celebrate This Week

I heard this week is Band Books Week, where we are supposed to read books that have been overlooked and neglected because, well, they’re about bands. I think it usually starts the last Sunday in September, or something like that.

For my contribution to this week, I am suggesting the following 3 books to people

  • The Marching Band Handbook
    This book is a guide for various aspects of marching bands. If you are looking to run a marching band, this might be just what you need.

    If you are not involved in running a marching band, then you’ll probably want to skip this one.

  • The Line
    If you want an actual story, instead of a manual, then go for this book. It follows some high-school kids as they navigate the tricky waters of classes, band, and relationships.

    If you are not a girl who is in junior high or high school, then you’ll probably want to skip this one.

  • The Smiths: Songs That Saved Your Life
    Not all bands are marching bands, so here is a book about a pop band. Or rather, a former pop band. Rock band? Alternative rock? Whatever they were, here’s a book about them and their music.

    If you did not have a poster of Morrissey on your bedroom wall when you were a teenager, then you’ll probably want to skip this one.

Disclaimer: I have not read these books, nor am I endorsing them. I have no idea if they are any good. Read them at your own risk.

What books would you recommend for Band Books Week?

The sons of Benjamin gathered together behind Abner and became one band, and they stood on the top of a certain hill.

2 Samuel 2:25